What is ‘eggshell parenting’ and 6 signs you were probably raised by one, say experts

A psychiatrist on TikTok is warning about the dangers of being an “eggshell parenting,” a term for a parenting style that makes children feel emotionally unsafe.

In the video, Dr. Kim Sage explains that this approach forces kids to stay alert, always bracing for sudden emotional outbursts, Parents noted.

She describes “eggshell parenting” as a home life where children feel constantly anxious because of a parent’s unpredictable moods and behavior.

Over time, the lack of stability can affect their sense of safety—not just emotionally, mentally, and physically.

The term comes from “walking on eggshells,” highlighting what living with someone who can’t provide steady emotional support is like, .

“Even if you are loving and safe and wonderful, if it follows that you can be unsafe, at the core, you are not safe,” she explains.

While “eggshell parenting” is not a clinical diagnosis, experts say it describes a pattern of behavior seen in some adults, according to HuffPost.

Natalie Moore, a licensed marriage and family therapist, notes that these parents struggle to manage their emotions, leaving their children feeling anxious, ashamed, or pressured to meet unrealistic expectations.

Since therapists typically see the children of eggshell parents rather than the parents themselves, the term helps describe these behaviors without assigning a formal mental health label, according to psychologist Noelle Santorelli.

Moore further explained that some eggshell parents may struggle with untreated personality disorders like narcissistic or borderline personality disorder. In contrast, others may lack emotional maturity.

She added that the severity can vary, with some parents displaying extreme behaviors and others showing milder emotional struggles.

Experts say being raised by an emotionally unpredictable parent can have long-term effects, shaping a child’s personality and coping mechanisms well into adulthood.

Below, the therapists have identified common signs that may indicate these lasting challenges.

1. You struggle to identify and express your own emotions.

Santorelli says people raised by eggshell parents often struggle to express their emotions. Growing up in an unpredictable home teaches them to suppress their feelings to avoid conflict. This habit can become automatic over time.

This emotional suppression can lead to self-doubt. For example, if friends let them down, they may question whether their disappointment is valid rather than simply allowing themselves to feel it.

Santorelli explains that these individuals often second-guess their needs because they have learned to ignore their emotions. They may use vague terms like “overwhelmed” or “uncomfortable” instead of more specific feelings. Sometimes, “crazy” or “anxious” become catchall labels for distress.

Therapy can help individuals recognize and process their true emotions. Many people raised by eggshell parents develop a habit of labeling their feelings based on what was acceptable in their childhood home.

“So maybe anxiety was safe, but anger wasn’t,” Santorelli said. “Any time they feel any emotion, they just jump to anxiety. Then you start to uncover you’re actually not that anxious, you’re actually pissed.”

2. You have difficulty establishing boundaries.

Growing up with an emotionally unpredictable parent can make it difficult to set boundaries later in life. Many children in these environments learn to avoid conflict rather than assert their needs, as speaking up often leads to emotional outbursts or resistance.

Santorelli explains that for some, attempts to set boundaries as children felt unsafe or even dangerous, reinforcing the idea that pushing back wasn’t worth the risk.

As adults, they may struggle to establish boundaries in relationships, fearing conflict or rejection. This can make it challenging to advocate for their needs and maintain healthy interactions with others.

3. You feel overly responsible for managing other people’s emotions.

People raised by emotionally unpredictable parents often take on the burden of managing others’ emotions, according to Santorelli. Since keeping their parent calm was a priority in childhood, this pattern can continue into adulthood and affect their relationships.

This tendency can also appear in professional settings. If coworkers seem upset, they may immediately assume they did something wrong rather than considering other possible reasons, like a stressful commute. They often feel responsible for fixing the situation, even when they cannot control it.

4. You have a strong urge to please others.

Moore explains that eggshell parenting often leads children to develop people-pleasing habits as a way to keep the peace. Growing up in such an unpredictable environment, they become highly tuned in to others’ moods and adjust their behavior to avoid conflict.

This pattern can lead to suppressing personal needs or withholding opinions to keep others happy. Over time, it becomes a deeply ingrained way of interacting in relationships.

Experts call this the “fawn” trauma response, a coping mechanism where individuals seek approval rather than confronting or avoiding tension. In these situations, they may go to great lengths to accommodate an unpredictable parent to gain acceptance and avoid conflict.

5. You are constantly on high alert.

People raised by emotionally unpredictable parents often develop a heightened sense of alertness, explains Santorelli. As children, they learn to constantly monitor their surroundings for signs of conflict, anticipating emotional outbursts to maintain stability. Over time, this becomes an automatic response that continues into adulthood.

This habit extends beyond family life and can affect work and social situations. In professional settings, for example, they may feel on edge during meetings, closely observing colleagues’ reactions and feeling responsible for keeping the environment calm.

This constant vigilance can lead to anxiety, as they instinctively try to prevent tensions before they escalate.

6. You might feel consistently uneasy when around your eggshell parent.

Interacting with an eggshell parent who needs constant reassurance can be draining. Moore explains that many people in this situation feel persistent discomfort, making these encounters stressful.

To cope, they may start avoiding their parent altogether, distancing themselves to escape complex interactions. Over time, this pattern can become an automatic response, causing them to withdraw whenever tension arises.

Here’s Dr. Kim Sage explaining how to navigate the challenges of dealing with eggshell parenting: