Here are some things I’ve learned through the devastating loss of my husband

There’s so much that the world needs to be educated about, especially when it comes to grief.

Grief is NOT something to be ignored, dismissed, or minimized. That makes it worse, or makes it resurface in a different way. Grief is something that needs to not only be allowed to happen, but encouraged to happen.

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Imagine if we lived in a world where you were required to take time to grieve. To feel the feelings. To pause.

Imagine not having to worry about “pulling yourself together” before going to work. Or to school. Just Imagine.

Because that’s the world we need to be living in!

Until then, here are some things I’ve learned through the devastating loss of my husband, Jim.

There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. It looks different for everyone. Honoring your process, however that looks, is your path to healing.

For our friends and loved ones, allowing us this process even when you don’t understand it is the best gift you can give. We need you and your support more than we can express.

Courtesy of Sam Ruth, the writer

People are afraid to talk about Jim because they don’t want to upset me. People who know me best will tell you that what upsets me is NOT talking about Jim.

Share your stories and memories. Ask us to share ours and understand that this is how we’re keeping lost loves with us in each and every day.

You will have meltdowns. You’ll also get through them, because you’re stronger than you know! And you will laugh again. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but with time.

Friends and loved ones, understand that we might not be the same “fun” people we once were… at least initially. Meet us where we are, not where we used to be.

Courtesy of Sam Ruth, the writer

There are secondary losses. People who you think will be there might not be. But there are people you never could have imagined who will show up.

Let them in. Friends and loved ones, be patient with us. Invite us even if we don’t attend. And keep inviting us. Call. Text. Don’t give up on us. We’re doing the best we can.

You (and only you) know the way through this… even if you don’t know it yet. I absolutely knew I had to go to the mountains for our wedding anniversary.

The world objected. I went anyway, and it was THE most important week of my healing journey. So tune out the noise and listen to yourself! It’s the only way through.

Courtesy of Sam Ruth, the writer

Friends and loved ones, we need your support. You don’t have to understand, or even like all of our choices, but please trust us. We have to find our own unique way, and we might not be able to explain the when’s and the why’s. Just be there to support us.

Most importantly, you’re not alone. I know life will never look the same, and no one can replace what we’ve lost. But we can be there for each other along the way.

Until the world is more educated, create the world you need to get through this ordeal! Find others who get it. And do it your way!

About the Author:
This article was submitted by SAMANTHA RUTH to Positive Outlooks. Sam’s mission is to change the way the world views mental health, so people can openly speak about whatever issues they have and get the help they not only need but deserve without fear of judgment, labels, and repercussions. You can follow her on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. You can also visit her official website.

3 thoughts on “Here are some things I’ve learned through the devastating loss of my husband”

  1. I lost my soul mate in August 2008. He was my love. I am now 65 and I have lost so much more since then. I have lost very dear close friends, two of my beautiful sisters and jn real everyday life I have been alienated from my two beautiful grandchildren by the very people I trusted and I have not been allowed by these people and their
    Corrup Lawyers and their lies and accusations and empty deceit to be a part of my grandbabies
    Lives for over 2 and one half years.
    My grief is like no other. Please help me and pray for my family. God bless.

  2. There are so many expected times you know you have to deal with – but what I call the “catch me out’s” are the most unexpected ones. I’m still learning grief is a constant daily battle on all levels. Thankyou for this – I’ve just realised the date I’m writing this is another one of those catch me outs too x

  3. It never really goes away. I still have emotional ambush. My died in 2008. It never really goes away. Expect an ambush when you least expect it. Scott

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