Do parents really have a favorite child? Study uncovers the truth about parental favoritism

New family research confirms what many have long suspected—some parents have a favorite child over others.

The study found that birth order, gender, and personality play a role in this preference.

However, experts say the reasons behind it are more complicated than they seem, pointing to deeper psychological factors.

A personal example sparks family research.

Alex Jensen noticed his children were arguing more often, so he took time to hear his 14-year-old daughter’s concerns.

During their conversation, she expressed frustration, saying her parents always took her younger brother’s side.

Instead of dismissing her feelings, Jensen asked her to explain. She pointed out that when her brother annoyed her, their parents told her to “ignore him,” which only upset her.

An associate professor at Brigham Young University, Jensen recognized the moment’s significance, The Washington Post noted.

He recently led a study published by the American Psychological Association, which explored why parents favor one child over another.

The research found that factors such as gender, birth order, and personality all shape parental favoritism.

Jensen’s situation had a simple explanation—the age gap between his children. As he discussed it with his daughter, she began to see his point of view.

However, he noted that moments like these can still make a child feel like one sibling gets special treatment, which can have lasting effects.

Measuring favoritism in families

Family research has shown that while favoritism may seem difficult to define, experts have developed ways to measure how parents treat their children differently.

“Very few studies are going to approach parents and say, ‘Well, who is your favorite child?’ Parents aren’t going to answer that. They’re going to say, ‘I don’t have one,’” he says.

Instead of relying on broad assumptions, researchers gathered specific details.

They asked parents which child they argued with the most, who they spent the most time with, and who received more affection.

They also looked at whether one child got more financial support or extra help with schoolwork, offering a clearer picture of parental favoritism.

Researchers also asked children similar questions, like, “Who does your parent spend more time with?” Jensen explained.

The study uncovered clear patterns—parents admitted they favored their daughters.

However, children didn’t see it the same way, suggesting a difference in perception between parents and kids, Jensen noted.

“That one was surprising,” he said. “There are a couple of older studies that suggested that fathers are going to favor sons, and mothers are going to favor daughters, so that’s what we were expecting to find — but it turns out fathers favor daughters, too.”

Family research on birth order and personality

The family research found that older siblings often have more freedom and independence.

While this may seem natural since they tend to be more mature, researchers wanted to see if the trend continued into adulthood.

Jensen explained that it does—not only during childhood and the teen years, but even as adults, older siblings still receive more freedom from their parents.

Meanwhile, the study also found that a child’s personality can influence favoritism.

Jensen also explained that more agreeable children—those who follow directions easily—tend to receive more positive attention from parents.

Similarly, those responsible and aware of their actions are more likely to be favored.

Researchers analyzed data from more than 19,000 participants across North America and Western Europe.

The study, a meta-analysis, combined findings from 30 published studies and 14 unpublished datasets.

Long-term effects and moving forward

Jensen emphasized that children who feel less favored often face serious challenges.

They are more likely to experience anxiety or depression, struggle in school, and engage in risky behaviors.

Some research even suggests they are less likely to attend college or feel satisfied with their adult lives.

Meanwhile, children who receive more positive attention from parents tend to have better mental health, perform better academically, and are more likely to pursue higher education.

Megan Gilligan, an associate professor at the University of Missouri, highlighted that favoritism doesn’t just impact the parent-child dynamic but also sibling relationships.

These bonds are vital during adolescence; early family dynamics can shape interactions well into adulthood.

Jensen noted that favoritism is more widespread than many people realize, often continuing into a person’s 60s.

Acknowledging its prevalence can help families reflect on their dynamics without feeling defensive.

He encouraged parents to be mindful of how they treat their children and to address concerns when a child feels something is unfair.

Rather than dismissing their feelings, he emphasized the importance of open conversations that help children process family dynamics.

Above all, Jensen warned against parental guilt. Many parents struggle with self-blame over their decisions, but guilt is rarely productive.

“We all make mistakes as parents. So, focus on improvement, but try to leave the guilt behind,” he said.

Here’s how favoritism affects kids and how to handle it, according to Prodigy Parents: