Thinking about people’s last words before they die is intriguing. Pulitzer Prize-winning author and oncologist (cancer doctor) Siddhartha Mukherjee discovered that most people say one of four common phrases before they pass away.
He believes these phrases offer important lessons for a fulfilling life, as he mentioned during a recent speech at the University of Pennsylvania.
“Every person that I’ve met in this moment of transition wanted to make four offerings,” he said.
The four phrases are:
- I want to tell you that I love you.
- I want to tell you that I forgive you.
- Would you tell me that you love me?
- Would you give me your forgiveness?
Siddhartha Mukherjee, the cancer doctor, highlights that every moment signifies a transition, a birth, and a death.
This lesson from dying applies to living: waiting only delays the inevitable.
One should act promptly, whether crossing a door, departing for the airport, or facing the final crossing with nothing but a lonely boat.
Transition and birth are interconnected.
The cancer doctor explains that these people’s last words are not just four offerings, but four responsibilities.
Known for his book “The Emperor of All Maladies: A Biography of Cancer,” he noted that people facing death often express one of four themes, per CNBC.
He observed that many wait until it’s too late to show appreciation or mend relationships.
Instead, they hold onto grudges, carry unresolved guilt, or fear being vulnerable.
According to neurobehavioral scientist J. Kim Penberthy, this leads to remorse, stress, poor mental health, and even hormonal and immune imbalances, which can hinder personal and professional growth.
“Love and forgiveness, death and transition. Waiting [to express yourself] merely delays the inevitable,” said Mukherjee, urging young people to “take this seriously. You’re living in a world where love and forgiveness have become meaningless, outdated platitudes. …They’re words people have learned to laugh at.”
Richard Cowden, a social-personality psychologist from Harvard, recommends four steps for dealing with hurting someone:
- Be responsible for your actions.
- Allow yourself to feel negative emotions like remorse and guilt.
- Apologize sincerely and try to make things right.
- Learn from the experience and move on.
While admitting wrongdoing is uncomfortable and it’s natural to make excuses, facing mistakes can help you live more fully in the present.
Showing appreciation for others through acts of kindness or expressing feelings can also be beneficial.
Meanwhile, congratulating the graduates from the University of Pennsylvania, Mukherjee shares a personal story.
As a child of a refugee, his grandmother fled Bangladesh before India’s partition, carrying five boys and a steel suitcase to Calcutta.
Despite their poverty, education was prioritized over food, with the children using shared paper and pencils for homework.
This dedication to education influenced the speaker, leading to his contributions to cancer research, all starting with ideas scribbled on small pieces of paper.
When his grandmother moved to Delhi, the steel suitcase, sealed and mysterious, remained in her closet.
After her death, it was found to contain four schoolbooks among other mementos.
She had once instructed to “give them back,” but the outdated contents seemed irrelevant.
This puzzled Mukherjee until he realized it wasn’t about the books, but the responsibility that comes with transitions and rebirth.
At 16, he was inspired by the vast collection of books at Berkeley University and decided to migrate and seek new knowledge.
Despite the differences between his migration and his grandmother’s, he too experienced transition and rebirth through education and crossing borders.
He emphasizes the importance of returning love and forgiveness, urging graduates to embrace these values in a world where they have become mere platitudes.
He challenges them to use these words with real meaning and conviction during this significant transition and rebirth.
Wrapping it up, he reflects on his speech titled “The Four Offerings,” emphasizing that offerings imply both acceptance at death and giving at birth.
He urges the graduates to embrace both aspects with utmost conviction, wishing them the best.
Watch Siddhartha Mukherjee’s speech about people’s last words below:
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