8 key reasons why people cheat in relationships and what it shows about love, according to experts

The widespread reasons for cheating in romantic life continue to draw attention as experts search for clear answers about why partners break trust.

Infidelity affects countless couples, and studies show the numbers are much higher than many expect.

A study says that in the United States, around 20 to 25 percent of married adults admit they have engaged in cheating at some point.

Dating couples show even higher rates, revealing how common this painful issue is in a relationship.

Because cheating impacts so many lives, experts say it is important to look beyond the statistics.

Understanding the deeper reasons for cheating helps people see what truly drives someone to cross a line.

For many years, most research focused mainly on how often infidelity happens and what damage follows. But the root causes behind these actions often remained unclear.

A study offers clarity on the reasons for cheating: The eight core areas

A significant shift came with a new study published in the Journal of Sex Research which looks closely at the emotional, personal, and situational forces that lead to infidelity.

This study helps bring clarity to the many reasons for cheating. It shows that people often stray for more complex reasons than simple desire or opportunity.

Researchers gathered data from 495 adults, most of whom were around age 20, through university pools and online platforms.

Each participant completed a long 77-item questionnaire designed to understand their specific motivations for engaging in cheating.

These questions came from earlier studies on cheating and broader research about what motivates people to be sexual.

The study also found that only about one-third of people who cheated admitted their actions to their partner. Women were more likely than men to confess to their crimes, Vouge noted.

Below are insights from Psychology Today’s Justin J. Lehmiller, Ph.D., drawn from a study in the Journal of Sex Research that explains the emotional and situational reasons behind infidelity.

1. Anger

Anger-driven cheating often comes from a desire for revenge. Some people turn to cheating to get back at a partner who cheated first or because of another upsetting action. This type of infidelity is more common among people with high attachment anxiety (fear of being abandoned) and high attachment avoidance (fear of closeness).

2. Sexual Desire

Some cheat because they want sexual experiences their partner does not want, want sex more often, or feel confused about their own sexuality. This type was more common among men, people with higher attachment anxiety, and those who believed relationships could not grow or improve.

3. Lack of Love

Some people cheat because they are unsure if their partner is “the one,” feel they have fallen out of love, or feel bored in the relationship. This motive was tied to high attachment avoidance and strong beliefs that relationships are either meant to be or not meant to be.

4. Neglect

When partners do not spend enough time together, fight often, or make each other feel ignored, cheating becomes more likely. People who scored lower in agreeableness, had more attachment anxiety, and had strong beliefs in destiny-based relationships were more likely to cheat for this reason.

5. Lack of Commitment

Not setting clear relationship rules, fear of getting too close, or wanting a family with someone else all fall under the category of low commitment. This motive showed up more among people high in attachment avoidance, attachment anxiety, and romantic beliefs, and in those with fewer beliefs in relationship growth.

6. Situational Factors

Some people cheat because the situation makes it easy—like being on vacation, being drunk, feeling peer pressure, or being approached by someone straightforward. Men were more likely than women to say situational factors played a significant role in their infidelity.

7. Self-Esteem

Some cheat to feel better about themselves, boost confidence, or prove they are still desirable. This was more common in people with higher attachment avoidance.

8. Variety

Some look for new experiences, believe they will not be caught, or want to take advantage of opportunities before settling down. This motive was more common among men and people who are comfortable separating sex from emotions.

Meanwhile, couples therapist Naomi Light added another critical point: disconnection.

She explained, “One of the biggest reasons for cheating is the feeling that you and your partner have drifted. Perhaps the relationship has become stale and predictable and one partner is feeling trapped, looking for an escape… It could be a lack of proper communication leading to emotional distance. Or it may be that life has become busy and dominated by work and looking after kids and so time together has become more functional than loving.”

Are people who cheat more likely to cheat again?

A 2017 study on serial infidelity found that people who cheated once were three times more likely to cheat again in their next relationship.

While people can grow and change, this finding suggests a repeating pattern when deeper reasons for cheating are not addressed.

The deeper reasons for cheating and what they reveal about love

Relationship expert Esther Perel offers another layer of understanding in her 2017 book “The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity.”

She writes, “Sometimes, when we seek the gaze of another, it isn’t our partner we are turning away from, but the person we have become. We are not looking for another lover so much as another version of ourselves.”

Her insight shows that some reasons for cheating stem from personal struggles and inner conflict rather than rejection of a partner.

The emotional impact on someone who is cheated on

A 2023 study on love and infidelity revealed how harrowing betrayal can be.

The study found that trauma caused by cheating can create “feelings of extreme anger, betrayal, insecurity, rage, shame, guilt, jealousy and sadness.”

Understanding these reactions can help individuals navigate the painful aftermath of a broken relationship and begin the healing process.

Watch relationship expert Esther Perel on TED as she explores the reasons for cheating and offers a fresh perspective on rethinking infidelity.