Some people believe in the saying that opposites attract, but empaths and narcissists are rarely the exception.
Matthew Johnson, a psychologist and author of Great Myths of Intimate Relationships, explains that couples with polar traits rarely enjoy long-lasting bonds.
For those observing relationships between empaths and narcissists, Johnson’s research resonates deeply. These two personalities, psychologists warn, often find themselves in a relationship doomed from the start.
Why empaths and narcissists are drawn to each other
Experts say that empaths and narcissists often end up in relationships, even though their personalities are very different. These connections are complicated because the two types see the world in opposite ways.
An empath deeply feels the emotions and situations of others. They are sensitive to the energy around them and often carry the burdens of those they care about, making them natural healers. Their compassion drives them to help and support others, often putting others’ needs above their own.
Narcissists, on the other hand, focus almost entirely on themselves. They believe the world revolves around their needs, enjoy being the center of attention, and often manipulate others’ emotions without regard for their feelings.
When an empath and a narcissist come together, their traits clash. The empath gives endlessly, while the narcissist mainly takes, creating an imbalance that can turn the relationship toxic.
Narcissists are drawn to empaths because they will meet their needs without question. Empaths’ sensitivity and caring nature make them natural targets.
“What narcissists see in empaths is a giving, loving person who is going to try and be devoted to you and love you and listen to you,” Judith Orloff, a psychiatrist and author of “The Empath’s Survival Guide,” told Business Insider.
At first, the relationship can feel magical, but it often begins on a false note.
“But unfortunately empaths are attracted to narcissists, because at first this is about a false self. Narcissists present a false self, where they can seem charming and intelligent, and even giving, until you don’t do things their way, and then they get cold, withholding and punishing,” Orloff said.
Over time, the empath gives and gives, while the narcissist mainly takes, creating a cycle of imbalance and emotional strain. Experts warn that understanding these patterns is key to protecting one’s emotional well-being.
The hidden danger in empath-narcissist relationships
Because empaths see the good in everyone, they often believe a narcissist has a hidden, kind heart behind a rough exterior.
But while the empath focuses on this potential goodness, the narcissist remains self-centered, taking the empath for granted and ignoring the emotional labor they provide.
Over time, the empath may feel drained, realizing they are “consuming themselves to light a narcissist”—someone unwilling to share even the smallest warmth in return.
Control and emotional manipulation
In many cases, narcissists assert full control in the relationship. Questions like, “You do love me, don’t you?” challenge empaths to prove their loyalty. When empaths hesitate or refuse requests, narcissists often guilt-trip them to get what they want.
This constant manipulation can fill an empath’s mind with self-doubt. Narcissists may blame them for all negative events, leaving the empath feeling responsible for things far beyond their control.
Emotional neglect and consequences
Another reason these relationships fail is simple: narcissists rarely care about the emotional needs of their partner. In moments of crisis, the empath may find themselves alone, lacking support when they need it most.
The sadness deepens as the empath’s unmet emotional needs and constant giving can, over time, mirror narcissistic traits themselves. With the narcissist remaining selfish and the empath emotionally depleted, the relationship loses direction entirely.
The aftermath
Ultimately, when relationships between empaths and narcissists fail, loved ones of the empath often pray they will not fall victim to another narcissist in the future.
The cycle of imbalance, manipulation, and emotional exhaustion is a hard lesson—but one that can teach empaths the value of self-care and boundaries.
Do you know someone in a relationship with someone totally different from them? Or have you seen a bond between an empath and a narcissist withstand time?
Share your story in the comments—we’d love to hear your thoughts!
Watch Dr. Daniel Fox explain why empath and narcissist relationships are so powerfully drawn together—and what it means for emotional well-being.
(Note: This article is for informational and entertainment purposes only and not to be treated as a professional opinion, recommendation or diagnosis.)
Discover more from My Positive Outlooks
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
It’s right on how I have lived. For 40 year’s, leaving 3 times but going back
He always wanted people to think he was mistreated, but it’s over now, an I will never go back, no more verbal an physical abuse , I wish I had been stronger and never gone back years ago
Thank you for this article.
This read was the epitome of my 30 year marriage I finally left almost four years ago. It is spot on, right down to the empath turning in to a narcissist themselves. I couldn’t live that way anymore. Everyone three years or so I would hit rock bottom with depression and he would tell me I just can’t handle life. After going through the rock bottom phase in 2014, 2017 and again in 2019, that was it!! No more. He will never see that he was the problem and that I was the puppet he manipulated. He did do one thing right, he remarried a narcissist himself. I fell in love with someone whom my kids say is a complete opposite of who I was married to. I love being in the judgement free zone. Don’t get me wrong, I still find myself making judgement but not like I used to and my life is so much healthier!
@Denise, how old were your kids when you left?
Been in this situation twice in my adult life. The first was a marriage of 7 years and two beautiful children. It ended up in chaos but I grew so much from it. So much so that when I met my current husband of now 20+ years and another amazing child, I have learned what I will and won’t accept. Communication is key. And I no longer feel responsible for his happiness. It’s a frustrating road but the destination had given us both clarity on who we are.
Omgness. All of this was true. Ten years and an 8 yr old son too late to realize what or who she was and why she was like this. Narcissist didn’t even come to mind when it all came down
Today is the last day that I choose to live with a person with narcissistic traits. The “relationship” was magical in the beginning, then actively turned into hell. Choose Joy. Choose Happiness. We all have One precious life. Choose to live it well, with purpose and intent. God bless!!!!
I just got divorced from a narcissist after 38 years of marriage. Best decision of my life and I’m in therapy. I am finally happy. I have two wonderful adult children who stand by me.
@Pamela,
Hi Pamela, i felt compelled to touch base with you and share I too was married to a narcissist for many years, my father was a narcissist too.
I felt therapy never actually moved the trauma out of my head, my heart ached and I got physically sick.
Incidentally I found out our gut is our third brain.
I connected with a lady by the name of Fiona May – Women in transition on FB. I encourage you to listen to her profound podcasts and if your financially able to do her SHINE program for 12 weeks.
Absolutely life changing
Regards Jenny
My son took his own life because of a toxic relationship like this. 😪
@Cindy Fuhrmann, I am so sorry for your great loss. My son did also 14 months ago. Except I only know his girlfriends side, since they were arguing when it happened. I still have so many questions, it just doesn’t seem at all like something my son would have done. Reading this info helps to see his gf personality and the toxic relationship they had. God bless you 🙏🏽
Yes I was am married to a true narcissist and the pain of dealing with this person mentally is horrifying and mentally debilitating.
@Tracey, Hi Tracey I felt compelled to touch base with you. I too was married to a true narcissist-sociopath for many years. My dad was one too. I went to therapy for months but really realised that it did not move the Pain away from my head, heart and I physically sick. Incidentally our gut is our third brain – you know the expression Listen to your gut. Trauma takes that feeling away.
I connected with an awe inspiring lady by the name of Fiona May who facilitated a 12 week program just for us ladies Women in Transition a program called SHINE on FB. Please if you get a chance to look her up and listen to her free podcasts.
It’s life changing
Regards
Jenny
Omg this is exactly what has happened to me. I felt reading this that you were talking about my relationship. I’m going through a divorce after 22 years and this makes so much sense!
This statement is right on point. My husband was a narcissist. I am an Empath. I divorced him 6 years after we were married due him changing in a bad way after we had gotten married. He changed back to the man I married after the divorce… we managed to get back together but I refused to re-marry him. He then became disabled and I would find ways he could earn some money to help the family and to help me support everyone. He didn’t help much at all. Which I resented. But he did not change his narcissist ways. At one point as he got older he had softened. But with age and failing health he was very difficult. I found my self on the dark side with picking up on his hateful ways and feeling cheated as I worked almost every day of my life with every penny I made put into the family and keeping a roof over our heads. I could only see my resentfulness clearly now after his passing. Upon returning home from work and finding him on the floor. We will never know why he fell. He could never communicate what had happen to himself. Two months later in a horrible hospital he passed away. One month later I realize this man who did love me as well as he could, is now gone. We were together for 45 years. Minus a small amount of time during our divorce. I realized while he was in and out of a coma how much I loved him and just how mean I had been to him and his failing health. I felt like he was exaggerating to get sympathy and care. But I just kept working away to keep the roof over our heads and the electric on. I realize that I was being the narcissistic one. Now I hate myself for loosing my way. My life partner is gone.
I am now free of the anchor around my neck holding me back from happiness. Living life constantly walking on eggshells. Just because there was a good heart in there. Why must I feel such pain? How can an Empath mend from this?
@Debbie M, wow! I can so relate on two levels. We have been married almost 25 years and i truly believe we stayed together because it was easier. He was never a giving man to me, but would always want to do nice things for other people – sometimes even strangers. Maybe 3 times in 25 years did he remember my birthday, our anniversary or Christmas. He said just take money n buy something. He even had my daughter pick out an anniversary card one year. I was so hurt. He’s mentally absent in our life/home. My husband, like yours has i believe a good heart. Just not for me i don’t feel like. I’m not a needy person. I think he thinks I’m strong and despite my pain i csn do it all. He always said he made the money n that was that. I always worked until the last few years when i broke my femeur. Then i developed scoliosis n lots of pain issues. Almost three years ago he had a series of heart attacks. Literally flatlined over 9 times. Doctors can’t believe he’s still alive. I started working again. He does NOTHING in our home. Will sleep for 22-28 hours at a time. Before he got sick he would do the yard but that was pretty much it. My daughter said i did this. I did too much. He knows I’m in pain but sits in the recliner watching me do it all. Never can i help. I felt like it was my fault because i always did everything for him and was so strong and low maintenance he felt that despite my pain it was ok. Doctors have told him he has to get up n move. He went back to work but very inconsistent. I know he’s in CHF and doesn’t always feel well but refuses to eat right, be active etc. i have beat my body up so bad taking care of him. I told him i know you can’t do everything you used to do but you can do some thing. He just looks at me. If I tell him I’m in pain he says what do you want me to do about it. He’s cold and distant. He tells me how much he loves me, and that the doctors tell him he wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for me. But he does nothing to reciprocate. I’m tired. I’m worn out. I feel guilty resenting him. I feel like I’m turning into a narcissist too because like you, I feel like sometimes I am mean. I’m just overwhelmed. I’m angry that everything has been on me all these years and now with his health it’s so much worse. He has no idea about our finances. No idea about anything because he doesn’t want to know. He wants me to handle everything. I am in such a dark place, I don’t know how to get out of it. I want to leave him but i don’t think he could live without me to care for him. So i stsy. I tell him this is not a good life for either of us. On top of all this, my granddaughter who is 28 years old has three children lives a mile from us. I helped my daughter raise her since she was very young when she had her. I have done everything from babysit her three children when she needed me to, to giving them thousands of dollars because they can’t handle theirs. I’ve cleaned her house. I have changed my work schedule to be there for them. My daughter has done the same for them.
When I started working, she got upset because I couldn’t be there when she needed me. I said I have to work. I have to help him make money. Right after Easter, she got upset with me about babysitting. And stop talking to me. Now she won’t let me see the kids. She said I am a narcissist and if it’s not good for me, then I won’t do it. I said it has to be good for me lol or how can i be there. She said i cause her too much stress. She has no relationship with her husbands family either. It’s either her way or not at all. Her few friends she is always mad at one or some of them. I changed my schedule to help her the best I can. My husband and I have invested tens of thousands of dollars for her and her husband and family. She knows about my husband’s health of course but it doesn’t matter to her. If I can’t be there when she needs me then she wants nothing to do with me now I can’t see the girls. She won’t answer my text. She said I caused drama and I swear I don’t do that. I love those kids so much and I miss them. I don’t understand how she could just dismiss me from her life we were so Close when she until she got married. She’s even shut her mother out of her life because her mother told her she should talk to me about the situation so she got mad because her mother didn’t agree with her. My daughter is heartbroken. She lives 1500 miles away and can’t even FaceTime with the girls. My granddaughter won’t even talk to her. She blames her childhood, blames me and blames anything that she can blame. She said we caused her stress. I swear that’s not true. Between her and my husband I walk around on eggshells Afraid I’m going to upset one of them. I am just so over all of it. I don’t even know who I am anymore. Did I turn into a narcissist? I don’t know how to find myself again. My husband and I rarely even talk. We do nothing and I mean nothing. We stay home and I wait on him hand and foot. I’m sorry for the blabbling on about all of this. I am afraid to leave my husband because if he passes away, I know I will feel terrible and blame myself. I’ve begged him to please be present in this marriage. Talk to me. Let’s do things together. Please show me that you care. Please show me that you will help me I can’t do it by myself my body won’t allow it, I am by no means a needy person. I have always been independent before we were married I raised three children by myself. They are all grown now, with families of their own. The sad part is, i think he is ok with our life as long as i do everything. He’s always been rather distant throughout our marriage but not to this extent. When i tell him i can’t keep doing this he says “don’t worry, i wont be around much longer” been saying that almost two years. Today he took our two grandsons who are visiting from another state 2 hours one way to a music store. But would never ask me what i would like to do etc. If you have any suggestions for me, I would be so happy to hear. I can take criticism. I want to do better I want to be better if I’m doing something that I shouldn’t be doing I want to stop I just don’t know how these two very important people in my life cannot care what they do to me, how they can just shut me out. I miss those kids so much! We were so close. They are 5, 3 and a year old. If anyone has any advice again, I can take criticism. of course there’s much more to the story than I’ve been able to say here I could write a book. Thank you to whoever listened.
@Marie Vani, you are keeping Him alive. Just leave, don’t divorce Him. Go! It’s a hard adjustment but it gets better very quickly with out Him. Take care of yourself You are worth it. I had this all exactly the same. 30 yrs of marriage. I kick myself for not leaving sooner. 1 yr after I left Him he died. It’s been 6 yrs and I am still looking for me, my sanity. U only get one shot at this life.
@Laura, so true! The doctors and there are many of them,
Have told him several times if it wasn’t for your way, if you wouldn’t be alive. I’m really trying to get things in order. I know one day I will wake up and say I’ve had enough. I’ve told him this, but he just thinks I’m bullshitting. I’m not. Thank you for replying to me. It meant a lot.
@Debbie M,
Hi Debbie,
Wow what a journey you have had. You must be incredibly strong.
I too have a very similar story. In fact Narcissists-sociopaths are attracted to empaths like us because we genuinely love and care
My father was a narcissist too. I had months of therapy but felt it never moved the head and gut ache I got physically sick- incidentally our gut is our third brain – however in trauma we don’t feel or choose not to listen.
I stumbled on a lady by the name of Fiona May who has a life changing program called SHINE just for us ladies. You can listen to her free podcasts and if you have the funds to do her Shine course it’s life changing actually releasing the subconscious trauma from the narcissist gaslighting
Regards
Jenny
Most grandparents are in the same boat. Told they can 🚫 longer see the kids, because we spoiled them and they don’t want to fel “entitled”. Ignore the name calling and labeling. Volunteer or work for your own money. Mail the kids gift cards so they can get what they want. Move on with your life even if it means going to a million vie or out to eat alone. Just know they are content, have what they need. You did your job generously.
how do you know if your empath especially after a crazy life with narcissist
@dot, I wouldn’t worry so much about titles. Do what feels right to you. Life is too short to be unhappy.
My husband is in this kind of a relationship with his daughter, she controls him with her on again off again relationship. It is very hard for me to watch. I know that she will turn on him again after she has what she wants. I have watched this over and over for the last 25 years of our marriage. Nothing I can do to change it.
@Marilyn ODonnell,are you sure your husband isn’t the one controlling? Perhaps she consistently needs space because your husband is manipulating her. Disregard if this doesn’t sound like your situation.
Thank you for this article because it just resonated with me like a light bulb went on and I just said “Wow this has been my life.” I am an empath and have had 1 long term relationship with a narcissist and a 3 year relationship I just ended with another narcissist. The light bulb reading this article was the psychology behind the relationship between an empath and a narcissist it fits to a tee. Now I am more aware of the signs to look for moving forward in pursuing another relationship in the future-thank you so many ch for writing this article and giving insight into these toxic relationships.
@Natalina, I felt the exact same way you did when reading this!! I was married to a narcissist for a long time. Then a few years after my marriage ended, I ended up dating another narcissist. The light bulbs going of after each paragraph. I’m an empath!!
I am in this exact relationship description I am an EMPATH and realizing what I am against the other side of me is clueless to compassion I will always be the enemy to her but I am incredibly STRONGMENTALLY I will know even though I am married the Vows at some point Mental Abuse will be President wish me luck going on 4 years of HELL
I am the empath person who has been in a relationship with a narcissist for 13 years and just recently seen a side that I have never seen before. But reading articles about a narcissistic personality and their traits, I can think back to many times over the course of our time together and it clicks. I feel exactly how this article says. He only thinks about himself and makes himself a priority and isn’t actually present mentally in the house. It really sucks and is very sad and heartbreaking because I wear my heart on my sleeve and love him to the point where i ask myself what could I have done better? How do I move past the heartache that he doesn’t care?
This article screamed of a “friendship” that I finally just had to walk away from. Over the course of many years this “friend” and I would hang out for awhile, then have a (always dramatic event, blown completely out of proportion) split. The split would last for years at a time, then for one reason or another, we found something in common & attempted to reconcile. This happened 2, maybe 3 times. This last time was the grand finale. I just don’t need that much drama in my life. That poor woman cannot see that she’s a flaming narcissist & I’ve abandoned trying to prop up her fragile ego all the while defending innocent comments or actions.
Interesting article, thanks!