Some people believe in the saying that opposites attract, but empaths and narcissists are rarely the exception.
Matthew Johnson, a psychologist and author of Great Myths of Intimate Relationships, explains that couples with polar traits rarely enjoy long-lasting bonds.
For those observing relationships between empaths and narcissists, Johnson’s research resonates deeply. These two personalities, psychologists warn, often find themselves in a relationship doomed from the start.
Why empaths and narcissists are drawn to each other
Experts say that empaths and narcissists often end up in relationships, even though their personalities are very different. These connections are complicated because the two types see the world in opposite ways.
An empath deeply feels the emotions and situations of others. They are sensitive to the energy around them and often carry the burdens of those they care about, making them natural healers. Their compassion drives them to help and support others, often putting others’ needs above their own.
Narcissists, on the other hand, focus almost entirely on themselves. They believe the world revolves around their needs, enjoy being the center of attention, and often manipulate others’ emotions without regard for their feelings.
When an empath and a narcissist come together, their traits clash. The empath gives endlessly, while the narcissist mainly takes, creating an imbalance that can turn the relationship toxic.
Narcissists are drawn to empaths because they will meet their needs without question. Empaths’ sensitivity and caring nature make them natural targets.
“What narcissists see in empaths is a giving, loving person who is going to try and be devoted to you and love you and listen to you,” Judith Orloff, a psychiatrist and author of “The Empath’s Survival Guide,” told Business Insider.
At first, the relationship can feel magical, but it often begins on a false note.
“But unfortunately empaths are attracted to narcissists, because at first this is about a false self. Narcissists present a false self, where they can seem charming and intelligent, and even giving, until you don’t do things their way, and then they get cold, withholding and punishing,” Orloff said.
Over time, the empath gives and gives, while the narcissist mainly takes, creating a cycle of imbalance and emotional strain. Experts warn that understanding these patterns is key to protecting one’s emotional well-being.
The hidden danger in empath-narcissist relationships
Because empaths see the good in everyone, they often believe a narcissist has a hidden, kind heart behind a rough exterior.
But while the empath focuses on this potential goodness, the narcissist remains self-centered, taking the empath for granted and ignoring the emotional labor they provide.
Over time, the empath may feel drained, realizing they are “consuming themselves to light a narcissist”—someone unwilling to share even the smallest warmth in return.
Control and emotional manipulation
In many cases, narcissists assert full control in the relationship. Questions like, “You do love me, don’t you?” challenge empaths to prove their loyalty. When empaths hesitate or refuse requests, narcissists often guilt-trip them to get what they want.
This constant manipulation can fill an empath’s mind with self-doubt. Narcissists may blame them for all negative events, leaving the empath feeling responsible for things far beyond their control.
Emotional neglect and consequences
Another reason these relationships fail is simple: narcissists rarely care about the emotional needs of their partner. In moments of crisis, the empath may find themselves alone, lacking support when they need it most.
The sadness deepens as the empath’s unmet emotional needs and constant giving can, over time, mirror narcissistic traits themselves. With the narcissist remaining selfish and the empath emotionally depleted, the relationship loses direction entirely.
The aftermath
Ultimately, when relationships between empaths and narcissists fail, loved ones of the empath often pray they will not fall victim to another narcissist in the future.
The cycle of imbalance, manipulation, and emotional exhaustion is a hard lesson—but one that can teach empaths the value of self-care and boundaries.
Do you know someone in a relationship with someone totally different from them? Or have you seen a bond between an empath and a narcissist withstand time?
Share your story in the comments—we’d love to hear your thoughts!
Watch Dr. Daniel Fox explain why empath and narcissist relationships are so powerfully drawn together—and what it means for emotional well-being.
(Note: This article is for informational and entertainment purposes only and not to be treated as a professional opinion, recommendation or diagnosis.)
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This is 100% spot on. Let me tell you the mental damage this sort of abuse does to you, my whole brain has been rewired. I am entirely traumatised. There is so much work I need to do to undo the trauma he caused me, and rewire brain to normal again. I had everything going for me when he met me, I was fit, looking my best, great career, so so confident, knew what I want in life, enjoying life, full of hobbies, in many social circles friends loved me, I was a vibrant social butterfly. When I tell you, you would not recognise me now this man tore me down bit by bit my self esteem my social life my family my motivation my health. He was amazing when we first met everything I ever wanted and soon as we got married, he knew I had generalised anxiety disorder and swore he would be my safe space and look after me, I could’ve never dreamed my life would turn into this nightmare. It was gradual. But he went back on everything & did all the things he said he wouldn’t do. It was a total control dynamic except I didn’t realise at the time. He saw me as an opponent, it was always about him having the power, and saying things like “I will never concede to a woman”, “your feelings are bullsh*t”, “I will not validate your feelings because they are pathetic & have no basis”, his words are what would hurt me the most, so much gaslighting every conversation would be a competition to come on top for him to prove he’s right, he didn’t like that I had my own or differing opinions even expressing them would set him off, it was heavily coercive control which I didn’t realise at the time, my mental health was abysmal, I’m older than him & made a lot more money than him so I wonder if this had anything to do with how he treated me, he completely shrunk me down, and always had to come off “superior”, I couldn’t work & went off sick, I became isolated for months from all my friends, I lost interest in everything, no hobbies, no motivation, just trying to pursue this endless goal of pleasing him just so he thinks I’m a good enough person, but nothing was enough, anxiety attacks caused by him, my body convulsing, I’m crying uncontrollably, begging him to stop, I’d be begging for God to take my life inside, he would sit there ZERO EMPATHY, indifferent, with a disgusted look on his face, berating me further whilst I’m begging for help, telling me “crocodile tears” when I’m having a real mental breakdown because of his abuse, he wouldn’t help. Ever. Any normal person who’d have seen me would’ve been horrified at my state & would help right away. He knew I suffered severe anxiety due to abuse in the past but still carried on treating me the way he did. He set rules / expectations for me but would go against them himself & when I’d speak to him to call him out on it, he’d become angry impulsive arguing threatening. And ignore me for days after, then the neglect would begin. He made a habit of constantly leaving me, telling me he doesn’t wanna be with me, or ditching me in car parks, on dates, after an argument, or becoming angry if something didn’t go his way, if he said I can’t eat because It’s not “healthy” & I was just super hungry and wanted to get a chicken sandwich he switched and turned the whole date into an argument, leaving me in front of people, humiliating me degrading me & acting normal the next day, whilst I’m in shock unable to get on with my days hed carry on like nothing happened, and tell me “oh go to the gym if your mental health feels that bad” dismissing my whole reality of what just happened to me, the emotional neglect whilst under his care was destroying me. He’d tell me how there are much worse men out there, id be in tears asking him to have empathy & compassion, “I won’t give you any” “I cannot give you any of that unless you come to me with the right approach & listen to me” he’d make me feel crazy for feeling hurt at his actions and not understanding how he can bear to see me in so much pain & say “look at you, get a grip” “your stupid emotions” “you’re too sensitive”. He NEVER praised me, not my achievements, or career progression, he didn’t support any of my personal goals / dreams, giving me a compliment was mostly problematic, going on dates was the worst, as if he was with an enemy, he’d always turn 90% of them into some argument or something would always happen with me in tears. He has a very misogynistic view of women, his views seem really “red pill”, he never respected me or gave me the honour or value of a wife. I swear to you I tried to help him still, he was always my priority but I was never his. I struggled between the version of him I met & the version I have now as my reality. I ended up in hospital a few times because of heart pains from anxiety and inflammation of my organs likely caused by the intense constant stress I was under. I was always on edge, scared to say what I feel, walking on eggshells, in survival mode in a state of high cortisol, my body was in fight or flight I could not relax because I never felt safe. I was there for him through every issue he had, health , financial etc. He totally abandoned me when I was in hospital, when I became ill I needed him to be there for me, instead he turned on me & blamed me for being ill gave me abuse whislt I was in pain, knowing the DRs had given me a serious warning with stress causing me heart issues, he did not care. He cared way more what his image was like, & appeasing to his friends cos “I’m a man I do what I like nobody tells me what to do! You’re a woman it’s different for you!” Anything I say was an attack to him, Verbal abuse became a regular thing, being belittle ALL the time. It really messed me up mentally. One thing constant “you’re a bad wife, you don’t know how to be a good woman you don’t know to listen”. He would blame me for everything if I’m hurt because of his behaviour or if he had a rage fit. Belittle me dehumanise me in rage fits in front of his family. He’d tell me I’m unstable for expressing how he’s making me feel. He literally made me question myself and would use anything I told him in confidence use my vulnerabilities against me. There’s so much more that happened. He was very controlling little by little. Then it became demanding, making threats to leave if I don’t do what he says or dress how he wants me to dress, if I was home a minute over curfew he would lose it. He’s very volatile he’d have explosive anger episodes. Oh, the constant withholding affection and stonewalling! When he didn’t like something or sometimes without reason leaving me in day of anxiety not speaking to me for days / weeks. Ignoring me was his biggest weapon. Everytime he’d realise I’m starting to withdraw, go numb, or he’d gone too far, he’d make promises of change make me believe he’s different. There was physical abuse only for small period at the start too. It happened again later but he said it was an accident (see somehow I’m still blaming myself for this). affection was far & few, so I became conditioned to please him in whatever way just so I could receive a kind word or affection or feel loved, anytime I express a feeling or concern, he would turn it into an argument, I’m dismissed, feelings not ever validated, I struggled soo much cos of the “why” I don’t understand why he’s doing why is he behaving this way why won’t he care.. until now fast forward a year into our marriage I realise now, it was a facade the person at the start wasn’t him, I was always depressed unable to understand why he treats me this way but I realise this is the real him. He even told me several times forget the guy you met that’s not me! There were good times, pockets of happiness or smiles but so so far and few, and these were not consistent and certainly not his dominant personality. I graduated in psychology and often wondered if he had NPD or Borderline personality disorder. I spoke to him about possibly getting help but it backfired. He recently issued me a divorce & I have gone no contact, he is now regretting it making promise of change and saying he has realised he was toxic. I don’t know what will happen.
I was so pure to him, with sincere care and love in my heart for him, and he took me for granted because I was the weaker being. He abused his position of trust. I’m still realising I was being abused. I helped him so much.
I hate that so many of us women are going through this and I wish the men who put us through this sort of abuse could be held accountable. I know men are victims too, and the women who do this should be held accountable too. I might not be able to do justice for what he did to me, the deep betrayal and hurt, but I have solace knowing God sees all, & He will do justice for me. Karma is real. What you put out into the universe, will find a way of coming to back to you. So truly, they can never get away with it.
Absolutely resonates. The only difference is that when I began to realize what was happening to me, I started to resist. From that moment on, he saw me not just as an enemy, but also viewed anyone who supported me, including our own children, as enemies too. His behavior deeply affected our family and contributed to one of our children developing a mental illness. Our family fell apart, and so did our marriage. After 30 years of misery, I finally found the strength to leave him-for good.
I am an Empath. My ex-husband is a narcissist. We were married for 20 years. I never even realized he is until after I finally left him. He told me he was tired of the lifestyle he had been leading. My friends all told me how proud they were of me. I haven’t regretted leaving at all!!
The surgical completely describes myself and my husband he is the narcissist. I am empathetic and always want to rescue. Everything you said in this article is exactly true in my life. I have just recently left him, and he is trying to manipulate me and through the Bible at me saying I’m in the wrong etc. etc. he’s fighting the divorce and I don’t believe it’s because he loves me I believe it. Because he needs me to do everything for him and to take everything out on. It’s been a very difficult process and I still have a ways to go.
My mom married a narcissist who had a lot of power in a 12 step program as a leader. My mom was a very loving person who drew many people into their orbit. He acted as through he had many spiritual powers, such as knowing that a family friend had been reborn in India and had a sister etc etc. and being able to communicate with my dead sister. Many people believed and still believe now after he’s gone that he was an amazing spiritual being.
He also abused his power at least with me (we don’t know if he abused anybody else) before he married my mom (he was more than double my age and I was young and inexperienced) when he said he was supposed to be my spiritual father and sponsor and started touching me inappropriately saying he was trying to teach me to love my body. Ultimately I had to escape and get away from all of this including my mom, who unfortunately was brainwashed. He made all the decisions for her during this phase of their relationship. This was very painful for her and for me. Ultimately he died first and she was able to be back in my life for her final few years where some healing occurred. I agree that those who love empaths who allow themselves to be overtaken by narcissists hope and pray and beg the empath not to be taken in again.
As an empath, my relationship with a narcissist brought several striking realizations. You highlighted the control dynamic within our relationship perfectly—our happiness was entirely dependent on his. If something displeased him, he would withdraw his affection, not just for days but sometimes for weeks. This constant emotional roller coaster left me feeling as though I had to endlessly pine for his love, continually pouring into his cup without receiving anything in return. I ended up empty and lost myself in the process.
He treated strangers better than he treated me, always seeking validation from others even though I was his most fervent supporter. My mistake was holding on to the hope of his potential, failing to recognize that he would never change. His lack of support or happiness for my achievements felt almost as if he were jealous. He embodied the trifecta of addictions: sex, gambling, and being a high-functioning alcoholic.
Reflecting on this now, I realize that if someone had shared a similar experience with me, I would have advised them to run. It took me four years and much therapy to learn these lessons, but now I know that I will never tolerate or entertain such behavior again.
I can attone to tjis,im currently still married and i am familiar with this rollercoaster
Yes! I had a “friend” who is a grade A narcissist. I actually think she has full on NPD. She would always ask me why I didn’t love her and try to make me feel like she was the “better” friend. She is extremely manipulative and highly attention seeking (she’ll get it ANY way she can). She uses and abuses people including those she should be closest with such as her parents, her partner, and me, her proclaimed “best” friend. In 10+ years I have NEVER heard her apologize or accept responsibility for ANYTHING. Her go-to method of “collect” friends is love-bombing but when that doesn’t work with someone, she immediately turns on them. I have known for years that she was extremely toxic but could not get away from her as she had infiltrated every social group I am in. Being around her took a major toll on my mental health and ultimately my marriage. Luckily, he got her in the divorce.
Domestic violence ensues…Divorce, counseling, remarriage 5 years later, to someone experience the same…40 years together now and we are happy.
I was married to one for 58 years. He had some good and I guess that was what I loved about him. I loved him so much, but after 5 separations I finally had to divorce him. I chose survival. I couldn’t go on pretending that thing would get better, they only got worse. I lived for him and my kids, but for once I put myself first and I left. He did everything in his power to get me to come back again, even ending up in the hospital. It didn’t work this time, I had reached my limit. I’ve been on my own for the past 10 years, and enjoying my life again.
I’ve been married to my narcissist for almost 20 years. I’ve curved and turned my feelings upside down for many of those years in order to simply survive the time. I know that my husband has an empathetic bone somewhere in his body because there are times when he feels compassionate for those who struggle. I think it’s when they know that you are staying in the situation that they don’t feel the need to change how they react with you. The time old tale of “hurt the ones you love the most”.
…I am an empath and I am only drawn to narcissists…..the ‘good’ parts of the relationship are incredibly good ….I have learned to live with the bad parts…I call it my karma …and believe I was a horrible person in my past life and I have to attone for it ….I have learned to endure the hurt part …I don’t get sad or depressed …I just get disappointed….and I hate when it is over….( but only for a little while )…sometimes I think I am just into self-mutilation…or maybe just think this is my worth…..my Dad actually summed up my life when I was a very little girl…he said to me ” Susan ..you are always trying to make a silk purse out of a sows ear, and all you end up with is a one-eared sow “
This is spot on for me – 22 years, and he had cheated on me with at least 5 women. I felt so foolish and stupid not knowing until 1 contacted me. Fast forward 10 years after divorce……. I now realize it was him and not me. Not one stitch of emotion in that man to do the things he did to all of us! I’m better off and finding inner peace without him 🙏
@Jo, Sounds pretty similar to my 24 year marriage.
I believe I am a an empath my husband turned into a narcissist over the years. I realized this when I caught him in a 10 year secret relationship with a friend. Never thought about it until then. Never realized I was an empath u til I read your article. Now I am turning into some sort of narcissist because I feel bad for no one. So many people have done me wrong I just want to be alone & away from them. People are phony & dishonest 2 things I am not. I never want to be the center of attention and do not need anyone. I wish only to interact with my children & their families.
@Stephanie Parente, I am the same
Just ended a year and a half of this kind of relationship. First 4-6 months were ok hen just gradually went downhill. I couldn’t do anything right, did way more than I should have cleaning, yard work and doing the shopping. He didn’t have to do anything. We could only hang around his family and friends etc and after I left everything was still my fault and he hasn’t heard any of why I left even though I have said it and wrote it down.so glad it’s over.
Just left a relationship like this. He wanted me as long as there was something in it for him or until someone with more finances came along….I have never felt so used and betrayed. However, with every relationship there is a lesson to be learned. I’m not going ro change who I am, but I will change who I choose and how I choose someone in the future.
I think this is my current life. And I can’t see the wood for the trees