What phrases you should NEVER say during break-up that can make it more confusing and painful

Ending a relationship is tough, and knowing what not to say during a breakup is crucial.

Regardless of the reasons or your feelings about it, ending a relationship can completely disrupt your life and evoke deep emotional pain.

When ending a romantic relationship, it’s important to be clear and compassionate, straightforward but gentle.

Lisa Marie Bobby, a psychologist and founder of Growing Self Counseling & Coaching, notes that people who avoid conflict may find this challenging.

They sometimes opt for reasons they believe will cause the least upset rather than honestly explaining their feelings for ending the relationship.

Though meant to be caring, this approach can frustrate and hurt your partner.

“An expression of true love and caring is to have an authentic conversation about what is going on inside of you that has led you to come to this conclusion,” Bobby says.

With this in mind, here are the phrases you should not say during a breakup.

1. “It’s not you, it’s me.”

Language experts from the US-based language learning app Preply noted that this phrase is a common breakup line perceived as insincere.

Taking responsibility while being considerate is important, but explaining your feelings and providing context to demonstrate sincerity and avoid sounding like an excuse is vital.

2. “My career is more important to me than you are right now.”

Many find it reasonable to end a relationship to focus on other life priorities.

However, experts stress the importance of not making the person you break up with feel less significant than your other commitments, like work.

3. “You are going to make someone really happy someday.”

Language experts advise against mistaking kindness for condescension in breakup conversations.

The cliché breakup line “You’ll make someone else happy someday, just not me” often carries an underlying message.

While the person broken up may eventually find happiness, using clichés to communicate this is generally not well-received.

4. “I hope we can still be friends.”

Rachel DeAlto, a relationship expert at Match Group (which oversees Tinder and The League), emphasizes that breaking up requires establishing new boundaries.

Attempting immediate friendship can complicate this process.

DeAlto warns that transitioning into friendship right away can be unrealistic and detrimental, particularly for those aiming to reconcile.

5. “I’m not in a place to be in a relationship right now.”

Bobby advises against using excuses that conceal the truth, like saying, “I’m not ready for a relationship” or “I can’t handle a relationship right now.”

According to Bobby, these excuses are empty, creating confusion and unanswered questions for the other person.

Such excuses can also falsely raise hopes of a possible reconciliation in the future.

Bobby explains that these statements may imply a future opportunity for the relationship with the other person, even though that’s not true.

6. “You deserve better.”

During a breakup, clarity in explaining your reasons is crucial for mutual understanding.

DeAlto warns that telling someone they deserve better can appear insincere and deflect responsibility, lacking a genuine explanation for ending the relationship.

Bobby emphasizes that using vague excuses deprives the other person of valuable opportunities for personal growth and insight.

She also stresses the importance of sincerity and transparency, advising against relying on cliché excuses.

7. “I love you but I’m not in love with you.”

Language experts warn that phrases such as ‘I love you, but I’m not in love with you’ can have long-lasting effects on someone’s feelings.

These statements may cause the person to feel inadequate.

Instead of using this phrase, it’s better to emphasize that both individuals can find greater happiness in the future with more compatible partners.

8. “I want to be with other people.”

The language experts stress the need to clearly communicate that the relationship is ending permanently, not temporarily.

It’s important to explain your reasons for ending the relationship without blaming the other person.

Instead of bluntly saying, “I want to be with other people,” it’s better to express a desire for personal space or growth.

9. “I don’t think this is going to work out.”

It’s acceptable to not feel a strong connection with someone. Still, it’s important to handle a breakup with sensitivity to avoid unnecessary pain.

If applicable, acknowledge the enjoyable times and getting to know each other.

However, clearly stating that you’re not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship is crucial. This clarity gives them the closure they need to progress.

Meanwhile, here’s a video of 100 people talking about their worst breakup: