Every parent has faced it—a moment where a positive parenting technique could make all the difference, whether it’s an eye roll, a sharp reply, or a child talking back.
These small acts of sass can feel frustrating, even worrying. But experts say these moments are not just problems to fix—they are chances to guide a child toward something better.
Using a positive parenting technique can help parents handle these situations with care and purpose. Instead of reacting with anger, this approach helps parents understand the source of the behavior, Upworthy noted.
When addressed early, these habits can be reshaped before they become lasting traits. After all, a child who is rude at home today could carry those same patterns into adulthood.
Why the 5:1 parenting method works so well
One widely recommended positive parenting technique is the 5:1 parenting method. Developed by psychologist John Gottman, this method was first used for couples. Over time, experts found that it works just as well with children.
The idea is simple but powerful: for every one negative comment, parents should offer five positive ones.
This balance helps children feel seen, valued, and supported. Instead of focusing only on what they do wrong, parents highlight what they do right. Over time, this shift can lead to better behavior and a stronger emotional connection.
How a positive parenting technique uses words to build a connection
Jennifer Wallace, the author of the book “Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose,” shared how deeply words can shape a child’s world.
“Criticism impacts our kids up to five times more than a compliment does,” Wallace explaoned on an episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast. “We are wired as parents to look for the negative and to try to help our kids overcome the negative. But really, what we need to do to have that kind of connection is we need to focus on the positive things that are inherent about them. What is it about them that’s unique? For every one criticism, I need to at least have five positive interactions with my kids.”
This positive parenting technique helps children feel safe. And when children feel safe, they are less likely to act out.
Dr. Carla C. Allan, a clinical psychologist, explained why this matters.
“A strong, nurturing relationship also reduces the need for children to act out to gain attention,” Allan told the publication.
When attention is given freely and consistently, children no longer feel the need to misbehave just to be noticed.
How the 5:1 Parenting method shapes a child’s inner voice
Another powerful benefit of the 5:1 parenting method is how it shapes a child’s inner voice—the quiet thoughts they carry every day.
Olivia Bergeron, a psychotherapist, shared how this works.
“This commentary gets internalized as their inner voice,” Bergeron explained. “If it’s consistently [empathetic], kids will develop resiliency and better weather the inevitable mistakes that happen.”
With a steady positive parenting technique, children learn to speak kindly to themselves. Even when they fail, they feel encouraged to try again rather than give up.
Five ways to practice the 5:1 parenting method
If you want to use this positive parenting technique in daily life, these simple steps can help:
1. Point out positive behaviors
If your child is having a hard time with schoolwork, notice their effort. You might say, “I saw how you hung in there and made it through your math, even though it was tough.”
2. Create meaningful moments
Take time to play with your child. You can play a card game or go outside to play catch. It is also helpful to read together every day and talk without looking at phones or computers.
3. Practice empathy
When your child is sad or mad, let them know you understand. Saying, “I understand that you’re feeling upset right now,” is much better than telling them to just “brush it off.”
4. Provide positive reinforcement
When your child does something good, tell them right away. You can say, “Great job for remembering to close the bathroom door,” or “I like how you are cooperating with your sister.”
5. Give physical affection
Give your child a hug, hold their hand, or sit close to them. This releases a special chemical in the body called oxytocin. This “bonding hormone” helps bring you and your child closer together.
How a positive parenting technique creates lasting change
At its core, this positive parenting technique is not about being perfect. It is about being intentional.
By focusing more on what children do right, parents can guide them toward better behavior without breaking their spirit.
Over time, the 5:1 parenting method becomes more than a strategy—it becomes a habit.
And that habit can help raise children who feel confident, understood, and deeply connected to the people who matter most.
Watch Mel Robbins and Jennifer Wallace explain how a positive parenting technique like the 5:1 parenting method can transform your connection with your child.
@melrobbins "If you want to be closer with your kids, this one’s for you. In this eye-opening episode, Jennifer Wallace shares the 5 to 1 Parenting Rule and delves into the pressure of “toxic achievement” that can leave you feeling like you’re never doing enough 👇 “Never Enough: 7 Ways to Protect Yourself (and Your Kids) From Toxic Pressure” 🔗 in bio #melrobbins #changeyourlife #mindset #createabetterlife #takecontrol #motivation #melrobbinspodcast #podcast #podcastclips #parentingadvice #parenting ♬ original sound – Mel Robbins
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