What is the secret to a lasting marriage? Here are 8 things that can help you live your happily ever after

The idea of “happily ever after” is common in fairy tales and romantic movies. But in real life, a successful marriage often looks different.

After the excitement of the honeymoon phase fades, many couples face challenges that can test their bond.

However, there is good news. Couples who are committed to building a lasting, happy relationship can take steps to bring more joy into their lives together.

A strong marriage requires effort from both partners, built on love and respect.

It doesn’t happen by itself and needs continuous attention.

To build a healthy and happy relationship, here are key principles couples should focus on every day:

1. Spend some intimate time together

Balancing work and family can often leave little room for romance in a relationship, says University of Rocheter Medical Center.

To keep the connection strong, couples should prioritize spending time together through a special night out or a quiet evening at home. For parents, arranging childcare or playdates can create space to reconnect without distractions.

Regular date nights are not just a break—they are essential for maintaining a healthy marriage. Setting a consistent schedule, like weekly or monthly, helps keep the relationship a priority.

BetterHelp‘s Courtney Cope, a licensed marriage and family therapist, explains that the approach to date nights can change over time.

“During different seasons of life, such as parenting, going to school, et cetera, and during different financial situations, such as young married couples versus more established couples, the ways you spend quality time together may look different; however, it’s important you put something on your calendar regularly,” she told Fortune.

2. It’s okay to disagree

Disagreements are normal in any relationship, but how couples navigate them truly matters. Experts suggest approaching conflicts respectfully and fairly by listening to each other’s views, even when opinions differ. Taking a break to cool off if emotions run high can help ensure productive discussions.

Marriage.com says that a successful marriage often has differing, even opposing, opinions on significant issues. The key is to respect each other’s perspectives and handle disagreements with understanding and humor. Rather than trying to prove who’s “right,” recognizing both sides as valid is essential for a strong and healthy partnership.

3. Forgive

Mistakes are inevitable in any relationship, and your spouse may sometimes unintentionally upset you. Addressing these emotions and letting them go to keep moving forward is crucial. Holding onto past grievances can harm a marriage’s growth and happiness.

Forgiveness is essential in this process, along with prayer and showing grace. While it can be challenging, starting with minor offenses and gradually working toward forgiving larger hurts can help. Forgiveness is a powerful way to strengthen a marriage, creating space for healing and a more fulfilling, lasting partnership.

4. Trust

Negative behaviors such as harsh criticism, disdain, defensiveness, and emotional withdrawal can damage a marriage and increase the risk of divorce. Research shows that successful couples handle disagreements constructively by expressing concerns calmly, taking responsibility, and quickly working to repair the relationship.

Effective conflict resolution is tied to trust, the foundation of strong marriages. Building trust takes time and consistent effort, making it essential to prioritize it from the start.

5. Create a personal time

Maintaining individuality is crucial for a successful marriage. Setting boundaries allows both partners to pursue their own interests while staying connected. While quality time together matters, making space for personal activities like hobbies, socializing, or volunteering is also important.

These moments foster personal growth and rejuvenation, helping partners return to each other with a renewed sense of self and a stronger connection.

6. Communication

Effective communication is crucial for a strong marriage. Being open, honest, and respectful helps build a lasting partnership. Expressing your feelings clearly and listening actively to understand your partner’s needs and perspective is important. Regular, meaningful conversations, beyond everyday topics, help strengthen your bond and deepen your connection by sharing hopes, fears, and dreams.

7. Thank your spouse

Gratitude is key to a strong marriage. Regularly appreciating your partner and the small everyday moments can help strengthen your relationship. Simple gestures, like acknowledging their help with tasks, can go a long way.

A helpful practice is to spend a few minutes each evening sharing something you appreciated about your partner that day.

Cope emphasizes the importance of showing affection: “Whether it’s verbal affirmation or physical expressions of love, it’s important to take the time to express your affection, desire, care, and appreciation for your partner. Tell them how much they matter to you every day and every week.”

8. Keep intimacy burning

A healthy sexual relationship is key to a successful marriage, though the frequency of intimacy can differ between couples. Experts encourage staying intimate, even when not feeling aroused, to maintain a strong connection.

Discussing desires, fantasies, and preferences helps couples stay connected and keeps intimacy exciting. Life coach Giovanni Maccarrone highlights that talking about sexual expectations before marriage can set the foundation for a strong partnership.

While physical intimacy is important, emotional intimacy also plays a crucial role. Cope explains that daily life demands can often overshadow physical closeness.

“It’s easy to let the busyness of work, raising a family, and taking care of all the little details of life take precedence over tending to the intimacy of your relationship,” she said, adding that during times when intimacy is limited, such as illness or emotional stress, couples can deepen their emotional connection by sharing their feelings.

For couples facing challenges with intimacy, seeking help from a sex therapist or medical professional can provide valuable support.

A successful marriage is grounded in unwavering commitment. By nurturing your relationship, supporting each other emotionally, and valuing the life you’ve built together, couples can strengthen their bond.

While individuals and relationships evolve, staying committed to these core principles helps ensure lasting happiness.

Here’s Jordan Bernt Peterson, a psychologist, author, and media commentator, explaining the secret to a successful marriage via Shawn Ryan Clips: