What if the boss is gaslighting you? How to protect your well-being in a toxic workplace

Dealing with a gaslighting boss can be incredibly challenging and emotionally draining.

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where someone makes others doubt their own perceptions, memories, or sanity through subtle forms of psychological manipulation. Recognizing gaslighting behavior is important for safeguarding mental well-being and seeking support if necessary.

Gaslighting involves someone manipulating your thoughts to control you, often by making you doubt yourself or your memories.

Gaslighters can be anyone and use various tactics, like shifting blame or causing confusion.

“Gaslighters cause you to think not just that you’re wrong, but that there’s something wrong with you,” said Robin Stern, a licensed psychoanalyst and author of “The Gaslight Effect.”

“The minute you start second-guessing yourself, you’re dancing the gaslight tango,” he added.

Gaslighting from your boss can make your work environment unhealthy and really mess with your mental health.

Before dealing with a gaslighting boss, it’s crucial to recognize the signs that they are indeed gaslighting you.

Signs that your boss is doing it

• They often lie and deny promises, blaming the victim when confronted. For example, if your boss approves your request but denies it later, they may be gaslighting you, Donati Law noted.
• They become defensive when questioned, deflecting blame onto you. For instance, if you ask your boss about an email they claim not to have received, they may lash out defensively.
• They alternate between abuse and praise, creating doubt and emotional turmoil. They withhold praise until you’re at your breaking point, damaging your confidence and mental health.

• They contradict themselves about tasks and responsibilities, making you feel incompetent. For instance, your boss may demand that one task be prioritized and then criticize you for it later.
• They always demand more, no matter how much you do, leading to burnout. While setting boundaries is one of the hardest things to do as an employee, it is crucial for mental well-being in such situations.
• They can make you feel crazy or ashamed, especially in front of others. They belittle and ridicule you, causing doubt about your identity and competency.

What to do if your boss is gaslighting you

Having a boss who undermines your achievements, damages your confidence, and hinders your progress makes it hard to succeed.

Ideally, you’d leave, but financial constraints might keep you stuck unless you have another job lined up.

Here are ways to manage until you’re ready to go, according to Mary Abbajay, president of Careerstone Group, LLC, per Harvard Business Review.

1. Keep a record of your conversations and meetings

Write down what your boss says and keep track of your talks. It’s good to have others around during meetings and use emails to summarize what was said. When needed, copy other team members on emails. Be really clear when you talk. Keeping a record makes it harder for your boss to deny things later and can show if you’re being treated badly.

2. Take care of your mental health.

Toxic bosses can make you feel bad emotionally. Try to keep a distance from their bad behavior. Imagine you’re wearing a shield that stops their mean words from affecting you. Don’t dwell on how they act. Think of it as their problem, not yours. Do things you enjoy and that remind you of who you are. Exercise, meditate, and spend time doing what you love.

3. Surround yourself with supportive people and take breaks to relax.

Having people who care about you is important. Spend time with friends and people who make you feel good. Find ways to relax outside of work. It might help to talk to a coach or therapist.

4. Be cautious about confronting your boss.

If you can, don’t spend too much time with your boss outside of what’s necessary. Instead, use the time to connect with other people. Building relationships with other leaders in your company can help you succeed.

5. Be careful about confronting your boss.

Toxic bosses don’t like being challenged. They might try to make things worse for you. It’s hard to prove bad behavior to upper management or HR. Before you confront your boss, find out if others have had similar experiences in your company. If you do talk to your boss, have a clear plan and ask for what you need.

6. Explore opportunities within your company to escape your boss.

You might be able to move to a different department or role where you don’t have to deal with your boss. Remember, leaving might be the best option.

Dealing with a gaslighting boss can make you sick and affect your personal life. It can take a long time to recover from the stress of a toxic boss. At some point, you’ll need to consider whether staying will exacerbate damage to your mental health or if finding a better job would be more beneficial for you.

Watch Dr. Ramani talk about gaslighting at work below:

Disclaimer: This article is for informational or entertainment purposes only. Readers should consult professionals for personalized advice, and the author/publisher is not liable for actions taken based on the content.