14 things you should never say to someone with anxiety and 6 ways to support them

Anxiety disorders are common and extend beyond normal worries, causing persistent unease, irritability, and restlessness. They disrupt daily life, affecting tasks, appetite, and sleep.

Coping with this mental health condition is challenging for both the person experiencing it and those close to them, Laurel Therapy Collective noted.

Despite good intentions, we might inadvertently worsen anxiety with our words. It’s important to be mindful of the language we use when discussing anxiety, avoiding phrases that may invalidate the individual’s experiences or minimize their struggles.

What not to say to someone with anxiety?

Understanding what not to say to someone with anxiety is crucial for providing support. Disregarding their feelings can exacerbate their condition and strain your relationship. Instead, lend them an ear and extend your support in any way possible.

Additionally, be careful about discussing this mental health condition, as criticizing or dismissing their symptoms may lead to feelings of shame and contribute to the stigma surrounding mental health. This could deter them from seeking help.

Here are the phrases to avoid and alternative responses:

1. “Calm down” – Instead, say “Take your time,” allowing them to manage their feelings at their own pace.
2. “It’s all in your head” – Replace with “Anxiety can be really tough,” acknowledging their struggles and showing understanding.
3. “It’s not a big deal” – Say, “I understand this is important to you,” or “I love how invested you are in this,” showing you care about their feelings.
4. “It’ll be fine, don’t worry” Offer reassurances like “We’ll work through this together,” demonstrating support and collaboration.
5. “I know what’s best for you” – Instead, say “You know yourself best,” empowering them and recognizing their self-awareness.

   

6. “You need to toughen up” – Offer phrases like “I admire your strength in facing anxiety” or “I can see how hard you’re working to combat your anxiety,” recognizing their resilience and effort.
7. “You’re ruining the mood” Instead, Say something like, “I want to understand what you’re going through, but I’m not in the right headspace right now,” respecting their feelings and setting boundaries.
8. “Just relax” – Offer support and understanding by saying, “I’m here for you,” acknowledging their feelings and providing comfort.
9. “Don’t worry about it” – Instead, say, “I care about how you feel,” showing concern and indicating you’re prepared to listen.

   

10. “You’re overreacting” Say, “It’s okay to feel this way.” Normalize their emotions and provide reassurance.
11. “You’re being too sensitive” – Replace with “Your feelings make sense,” validating their emotions and showing respect for their perspective.
12. “You should let me handle it” – Instead, ask, “How can I best support you right now?” offering assistance tailored to their needs.
13. “Have you tried yoga or meditation?” Ask, “Is there anything that helps you when you’re feeling anxious?” This allows them to discuss what works for them and empowers them to take steps to help themselves.
14. “Can we talk about this later?” – Say, “This conversation is important to me, but I can’t focus on it now. Can we find another time?” and follow up without waiting for a reminder, acknowledging their concerns and respecting the need for a better time to talk.

Things to remember when talking to someone with this mental health condition

Even if you avoid the phrases above, you might still unintentionally undermine your good intentions by sounding frustrated or showing irritation with your body language.

People with anxiety are sensitive to these nonverbal signals, so make sure you’re genuinely calm and ready to connect when discussing anxiety.

To help someone with anxiety, it’s crucial to educate yourself about anxiety and understand its signs and symptoms.

Knowing what not to say to someone with anxiety isn’t enough—you need to learn how to offer effective support tailored to their needs.

Here are some tips for talking to someone with anxiety:

1. Reassure them: Let them know they’re safe with you and that they can share their struggles without fear. Promise to be there for them during tough times, but respect their space.
2. Provide perspective: gently remind them that their anxiety is temporary and that things will improve over time.
3. Validate their feelings: Acknowledge their anxiety and express empathy for what they’re going through.
4. Offer assistance: Ask them how you can help and be willing to follow their lead.
5. Avoid judgment: Refrain from criticizing or making them feel guilty about their anxiety, as it can push them away.
6. Remain calm: Stay composed and steady when providing support, as your own anxiety can exacerbate theirs.

Suppose you know someone struggling with anxiety, and they need support. In that case, it’s a good idea to encourage them to seek help from a professional.

Below is a quick video about “What not to say to someone with anxiety.”