Marriage therapist Corrin Voeller has taken to TikTok to reveal the number one complaint she hears from her female clients about their husbands.
Voeller is a speaker and online educator from Minnesota whose practice focuses on couples on the brink of divorce.
On TikTok, she shared this one vital info that could save many marriages.
“This is one of the top things I hear from women as a complaint — saying that their husbands are waiting for them to tell them what needs to be done,” she said in her viral video published in 2021.
Voeller went on to discuss the difference between active responsibility and passive responsibility.
“Active responsibility would be you looking around the house for things you could do and taking responsibility for the things that need to happen within the house,” she explained.
“Passive responsibility would be being available to help, but waiting for somebody to tell you what needs to be done,” Voeller continued.
The therapist then challenged her viewers to identify which of the two would best describe their own conduct.
Voeller said that women want a spouse who is “actively responsible for the house and for the children and not waiting for their wife to tell them what to do.”
The clip, aptly titled “Division of Household Duties,” has been viewed over 1.5 million times on the platform.
Voeller’s insights prompted thousands of viewers to comment and share their own experiences. Judging by their stories, it seems that “passive responsibility” is a common cause of problems in many relationships.
“Are all men the same?!?! My husband says “just ask, ill do anything” I DONT WANT TO HAVE TO ASK, WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE PARTNERS,” a frustrated wife replied.
“Spouses are not project managers. The other spouse should see what needs to be done and do it. They aren’t an employee who needs to be delegated to,” one viewer agreed.
“Both parties should have active responsibility. No one should have to be TOLD to maintain the house!” said another.
“I can’t even send this TikTok to my husband because he will say I’m being passive aggressive but this passive versus active approach Is a marriage prob,” one woman shared.
In another video with over 4.2 million views, Voeller offered advice on how couples can prevent arguments from escalating.
“Stop giving your partner more information, trying to get them to see things the way that you see things. It doesn’t work,” she explained. “Switch to talking about how you feel versus trying to give them more information.”
Voeller also wrote in the caption, “If they aren’t understanding, they don’t need more information, they need DIFFERENT info (read: feelings).”
In a follow-up video, Voeller said that women are trying to explain how they feel with logic and reasoning. However, most are “missing that crucial step of telling them how they feel.”
Voeller also assured her viewers that they don’t need to justify their feelings because it’s okay to “feel what you feel.”
“Enforcing that boundary helps both of you because instead of falling into that trap … you’re asking them to validate how you feel, and you set that as an expectation — versus going around and around,” she said.
If you found yourself relating to the women who commented on Voeller’s TikTok video, it might help to have someone who can help you improve your relationship, like Voeller.
To get a feel of how she helps her clients, you may join her free five-day mini-course on dealing with a “stuck” relationship.
You may follow Corrin Voeller on TikTok, Instagram, and her website to get more useful marriage advice. In the meantime, you can watch her viral TikTok “Division of Household Duties” in the video below.
@corrinthecounselor Passive Responsibility vs Active Responsibility #relationships #therapy #ThatCloseMessenger #marriage #IDeserveTuitionContest ♬ original sound – Corrin Voeller
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