7 reasons why ghosting happens in online dating and how experts explain the disappearing act

Ghosting in online dating has become one of the most painful experiences in modern romance.

It occurs when someone abruptly stops all contact—no calls, no texts, no explanation—leaving the other person feeling confused, abandoned, and rejected.

While dating apps make meeting new people easier, they also make disappearing without notice effortless.

Experts warn that the emotional impact of ghosting can be deep, affecting self-confidence, trust, and the way people approach relationships in the future.

Clinical psychologist Charlie Heriot-Maitland explains that ghosting stems from an old part of the brain meant to protect individuals from perceived danger.

In his book, “Controlled Explosions in Mental Health,” he describes how behaviors like ghosting or procrastination act as ways for the nervous system to manage fear.

“From a survival perspective, ghosting is a trade-off,” Heriot-Maitland told Newsweek. “It brings short-term relief by reducing immediate stress or threat, but it does so by creating a longer-term harm.

The nervous system prioritizes what feels safest now, even when that choice slowly undermines relationships over time.”

Why ghosting in online dating happens: 7 key reasons experts explain

Many wonder why people choose ghosting over a direct conversation. Research in Psychology Today and several studies highlight multiple reasons:

1. Convenience

Ghosting is quick and avoids the discomfort of facing a difficult discussion. It provides immediate relief for the ghoster, even if it harms the other person emotionally.

2. Perceived Lack of Skills

A study by Thomas and Dubar (2021) found that some ghosters feel they cannot express their feelings honestly. Their discomfort with emotional conversations makes disappearing seem easier than addressing conflict directly.

3. No Alternative Solution

Research by Timmermans et al. (2021) revealed that some individuals ghost because they believe the other person will not accept their explanation, leaving them feeling stuck and uncertain about how to end the relationship.

4. Undesirable Behavior

Timmermans et al. (2021) also noted that ghosting often occurs when the other person behaves in ways perceived as pushy, disrespectful, or threatening. In these cases, Ghosting may serve as a form of self-protection.

5. Short-Term Justification

According to LeFebvre et al. (2019), some ghosters justify their actions by the short duration of the interaction, believing that a brief connection does not require an explanation.

6. Protecting Feelings

Thomas and Dubar (2021) explained that some ghosters see disappearing as kinder than telling the truth, even though it causes lasting emotional pain.

7. The “New Normal.”

Timmermans et al. (2021) found that many ghosts have become socially acceptable. Dating apps facilitate a culture where deleting a match is easier than confronting someone.

By examining these reasons, it becomes clear why ghosting is common. Still, the emotional impact of ghosting remains significant for those left behind.

Is ghosting emotional abuse? Experts explain

Many people who are ghosted ask whether ghosting counts as emotional abuse. Experts suggest it often does.

Ghosting is a deliberate act of shutting someone out, akin to the silent treatment.

Research in Psychology Today emphasizes that this behavior can threaten an individual’s sense of belonging and control, leaving victims feeling powerless, shunned, and lonely.

The question—is ghosting emotional abuse?—has been answered affirmatively by many mental health professionals.

While ghosters may not always intend cruelty, the effect on the recipient can be severe and lasting.

The emotional impact of ghosting in online dating

The aftermath of ghosting can be deeply unsettling. Individuals often experience confusion, self-doubt, and anxiety.

Many struggle to understand why the connection ended and replay conversations in their minds, searching for clues.

The emotional pain can also trigger memories of previous rejections, amplifying feelings of loss.

To cope, experts recommend practical steps that focus on self-care and resilience.

How to cope after being ghosted

Recovering from ghosting is a process, but there are concrete ways to manage the emotional toll. VeryWell Mind suggests the following steps:

1. Rid Yourself of Blame

Ghosting reflects the ghoster’s choices, not the worth of the person being ghosted. Understanding this is key to healing.

2. Nix the Shame

Meredith Gordon Resnick, LCSW, explains that ghosting can trigger past emotional wounds. She notes, “Being dropped and feeling unseen is always painful, and there is never shame or embarrassment in feeling what is real.” Recognizing and validating these feelings is essential.

3. Choose Self-Care

Activities such as spending time with friends, engaging in hobbies, or practicing yoga help alleviate stress.

Elena Klimenko, MD, an Integrative Medicine Specialist, emphasizes the benefits of acupuncture: “In traditional Chinese medicine like acupuncture, the heart meridian—which starts at the heart and runs to the armpits, then down each arm—is responsible for heartfelt matters and some deep emotions. Proper acupuncture treatment can also facilitate recovery and take the edge off the difficult feelings.”

4. Build Resilience

David C. Leopold, MD, Network Medical Director for Integrative Health and Medicine at Hackensack Meridian Health, helps patients strengthen emotional and mental resilience.

He explains, “When patients experience any emotional or mental health challenges, I focus on helping them build resilience and enhancing their self-compassion and self-care.”

Leopold also notes that exercise, sleep, healthy nutrition, and having a sense of purpose can release positive hormones and support recovery.

Following these steps helps reduce the emotional impact of ghosting , allowing people to regain confidence and trust in future relationships.

What Ghosting says about a person

Ghosting often reflects fear or avoidance rather than malice. Experts say it may indicate a lack of courage to be honest, insensitivity, or poor communication skills.

In some cases, a ghoster may be dealing with personal crises, mental health struggles, or family emergencies, which can complicate direct communication.

While understanding these circumstances can provide context, it does not erase the pain caused.

How to apologize if you ghosted someone

If someone recognizes that their actions caused harm, experts suggest steps to repair relationships. SimplyPsychology recommends:

• Think About What You Did: Reflecting on the reasons behind ghosting is essential to communicate honestly.
• Pick a Way to Talk: Apologies can be made in person, by text, email, or phone. Timing and tone should be carefully considered.
• Be Honest and Say Sorry: Taking full responsibility is crucial. Using simple words, such as “I am truly sorry I stopped talking to you,” avoids excuses or blame.
• Give Them Time: After an apology, allow the person space to process their emotions.
• Learn From This: Reflecting on the emotional consequences helps individuals develop better communication skills and avoid repeating mistakes.

Ghosting in online dating: Moving forward

Ghosting in online dating is a sign of the challenges posed by digital relationships.

Technology facilitates faster connections but also allows abrupt disconnection without accountability.

Recognizing why people ghost, understanding the emotional impact of ghosting , and considering if ghosting is emotional abuse are key to fostering healthier connections.

By adopting coping strategies, practicing self-care, and building resilience, those affected can recover, regain confidence, and approach new relationships with a sense of emotional safety.

Though ghosting can feel isolating, it can also serve as an opportunity for personal growth, reflection, and stronger future bonds.

Watch Dr. Maika Steinborn explain ghosting in online dating and share tips on how to cope with it.