Experts reveal warning signs that your child might have narcissistic grandparents

Grandparents are wonderful role models for children since they can help care for your kids and provide endless advice and emotional support.

Their affection for their grandchildren can be hugely beneficial when raising your child. But some parent-grandparent relationships can also be a source of conflict, particularly if you happen to have narcissistic grandparents.

It’s common for parents and grandparents to have disagreements when caring for a child. However, adults with narcissistic parents need to be aware of the risks of giving them unlimited access to their grandchildren.

Amber Claudon, LICSA, CEDS-s, a licensed independent clinical social worker and Vice President of Clinical Training at Lightfully Behavioral Health, shared that “These grandparents often deeply care about how they present and appear to the world and will enlist significant control strategies to maintain their need for presentation.” This makes it difficult to determine if you are dealing with narcissistic grandparents.

However, experts shared the following warning signs that your child might have narcissistic grandparents:

Need to be the center of attention

Narcissists have a very high opinion of themselves and feel that they are far superior to others. They tend to use others, such as grandchildren, to show off or gain sympathy from friends and acquaintances.

An overall lack of empathy

They have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs of others. They are dismissive of other people’s feelings, even those of their grandchildren. They therefore are unable to have a genuine and sincere connection with other people.

Lacks boundaries and awareness of the impact of their behavior on others

Since narcissists do not care about other people, they generally feel that no one is off limits. They have a complete disregard of the impacts of their attitudes and actions on other people.

Demanding that a grandchild comply and respect them

Even when there is no real affection between the two, a narcissistic grandparent will expect and demand respect and obedience from their grandchildren.

Undermining one’s parenting authority

Narcissistic grandparents always want to exert their authority over the parents. They feel that that they are better parents and want to show that you are not doing the right thing. They feel a persistent need to challenge and derail any attempt by the parents to guide and support the child.

They may also attempt to challenge the parents’ values and family structure. Exerting influence and control over the family and grandchild may be largely transactional through food, money, gifts, vacations, and others – even discussions around inheritance.

The grandparents may also want to foster division between the parents, and the parents and the child, to gain more control over the grandchildren.

Tendency of playing favorites between siblings

Narcissistic grandparents, as a form of control, will try to play favorites among the different grandchildren, or among their families. The lesser perceived grandchildren will often be used as a scapegoat for weaknesses or failures in the family to elevate the favored grandchild.

Exhibits mean behavior when challenged

Narcissists are bullies and become mean when challenged or then their needs are not met.

Claudon notes that “Grandchildren typically love and adore grandparents because of the role they play in their lives.” They can easily become the target of hurtful behavior and emotional patterns of a narcissistic grandparent since they are open, accepting, and naïve when they engage with their grandparents.

Narcissistic grandparents can be harmful to both parents and grandchildren since they need to control situations. They tend to become verbally abusive and practice divisive behavior when they feel threatened or challenged by the parent of the grandchild.

Navigating the relationship between grandchildren and narcissistic grandparents can thus be a confusing and difficult issue for most adult children. Here are some of the necessary steps to ensure a safe and healthy relationship between grandchildren and their narcissistic grandparents:

Discuss and set boundaries

Discuss the need to set boundaries with children and how to implement them. Encourage them to stand strong with their convictions and validate their opinions of what is right and wrong.

Remind grandparents that they are the grandparents – not the parents. Parents also need to set boundaries with narcissistic grandparents without generating a power struggle. They should be models for their children by asserting and holding their boundaries. Boundaries are also important to limit negative interaction with toxic grandparents.

Demonstrate unconditional love

Show your children that you love them unconditionally, and that they have a secure base to come home to. This gives them permission to be assertive and take developmental risks.

Model healthy relationship dynamics

Show that you have a healthy relationship with family and friends by using healthy communication, practicing reciprocity and being empathic in your interactions. Such interactions will help counter the negative perspective the children may see in their narcissistic grandparents.

Know when to walk away

Sometimes the behavior of a narcissistic grandparent can be so severe that cutting of the relationship may be more beneficial to the grandchild. In such cases, the intervention of a mental health professional may be necessary to help process experiences and discuss the future of the relationship.

Ties may be cut off only temporarily if all parties are willing to change and improve the relationship. Mending relationships take time and there is still hope if everyone realizes the importance of respect and clear roles and behavior to ensure the safety and well-being of all parties involved, particularly of the grandchildren.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational or entertainment purposes only. Readers should consult professionals for personalized advice, and the author/publisher is not liable for actions taken based on the content.