Study explains why grandmas are often closer to their grandkids than to their own kids

Lots of moms don’t like it when their kids get spoiled by their grandmas, and it sometimes leads to arguments.

But when these moms become grandmas themselves, they’ll see how special the connection between grandmas and grandkids really is.

Apparently, a study by Emory University researchers published in the Proceedings of the Royal Society B shows that the bond between grandmas and grandkids is evident in the brain.

The study examined 50 grandmas, each with at least one biological grandchild aged three to 12.

They used MRI scans to monitor their brain activity while viewing photos of their grandchildren, adult children, and strangers.

Lead author James Rilling suggested that the grandmas’ heightened emotional response to their grandchildren could be influenced by the “cute factor” of young children.

“What really jumps out in the data is the activation in areas of the brain associated with emotional empathy,” Rilling said. “That suggests that grandmothers are geared toward feeling what their grandchildren are feeling when they interact with them.”

The grandmas showed cognitive empathy when viewing images of their adult children but lacked the same level of emotional response.

Rillings explained that when their grandchild smiles, they feel joy, and when the grandchild cries, they feel the child’s sadness and distress.

In a previous study, Rilling and his team analyzed fathers viewing images of their children.

They discovered that grandmothers, in comparison to fathers, showed heightened activation in brain regions related to emotional empathy and reward processing.

Rilling stressed that while there were general distinctions between the groups, individual differences existed within each group; for instance, some fathers displayed higher levels of empathy than grandmothers.

Rilling, an anthropologist, finds this topic incredibly intriguing.

“I am interested in the ways in which humans are similar to and different from other primates,” he said, adding that the key difference lies in how offspring are nurtured: Great ape mothers usually care for their young alone, while human mothers frequently receive assistance in raising their child.

While assistance sources vary widely among human societies, grandmas frequently play a vital role in many families.

Rilling emphasized that ample evidence supports the idea that grandmothers contribute significantly to the well-being of their grandchildren.

In the 1980s and 1990s, anthropologist Kristen Hawkes presented the “grandmother hypothesis” based on previous biological research.

This theory posits that human females, unlike other great apes, live past their reproductive years to aid in raising subsequent generations of children.

This assistance, such as babysitting, not only benefits the immediate generation but also ensures the propagation of the grandmother’s genes.

The reason for the unique bond between grandmas and their grandkids is still debated.

While some suggest it’s because grandma can spoil the grandkids and return them to the parents afterwards, Rilling finds this idea intriguing but proposes an alternative explanation.

“I think it may have more to do with the ‘cute’ phenotype of children, which is likely designed by evolution to make adults find them endearing and want to care for them,” he said.

Marion Conway, a grandmother of three and a blogger at The Grandma Chronicles, finds more potential for “growth, excitement, and pleasure” with her grandchildren.

She notes that as a grandparent, you’re not viewed as an authority figure but rather as a promoter or supporter, facilitating a stress-free relationship where both parties can be more open.

Donne Davis, founder of the GaGa Sisterhood online community for grandmothers, highlighted her unique connection with her three grandchildren, viewing them as a new beginning in relationships.

Unlike with her children, where shared history influences closeness, parenting involves adversarial dynamics and responsibility for the child’s development.

“You just love them unconditionally and think everything they do and say is wonderful and exceptional,” she said.

Here’s a video if you want to learn more: