How having an unsupportive partner affects your well-being and signs you’re living with one

An unsupportive partner can make a marriage difficult. Research shows that feeling unsupported increases stress, as indicated by higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol.

Psychologists at Binghamton University in New York found that people feel better and less stressed when they receive positive support from their partners. This kind of support helps individuals feel more understood and cared for.

The researchers studied 191 heterosexual married couples to determine if better communication, especially in giving and receiving social support, could reduce cortisol levels, Newsweek noted.

Cortisol, a major stress hormone, affects mood, motivation, and behavior by interacting with certain parts of the brain.

The couples discussed personal issues in two 10-minute sessions unrelated to their marriage.

The researchers studied their communication, observing positive and negative social support given and received. They also evaluated how each person perceived the support.

Saliva samples were collected during the study to measure cortisol levels.

“We found that wives who received support more negatively (e.g., rejecting help) felt less understood, validated, and cared for by a partner, which had a ‘stress-amplifying’ effect, meaning cortisol increased across the interaction,” said a Professor of Psychology Richard Mattson in a press release.

In contrast, couples experienced a stronger sense of being understood, validated, and cared for when their partners used positive support skills, while negative communication skills had the opposite effect.

The study revealed that stress levels before an interaction could predict how couples would behave and view the exchange. This suggests that past experiences might influence expectations of a partner’s support.

Lead author Hayley Fivecoat highlighted that perceptions of support during interactions play a crucial role in shaping the overall experience.

Each partner’s view of the interaction was closely related to their general beliefs about their partner’s support and responsiveness.

Fivecoat explained that views of a partner’s support can develop over time through various interactions, influencing how behaviors are perceived at the moment.

She observed that those who saw their partner as generally supportive had the lowest cortisol levels both before and after the interaction.

The authors highlighted that the tone of a partner’s support may be more important than the words used.

Earlier research in Psychoneuroendocrinology showed that different types of interactions, such as talking or touching, can impact stress levels in various ways.

The full results of the latest study were published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

Signs of an unsupportive partner

A supportive partner listens, boosts your spirits, and encourages you to achieve your goals, which is essential for a strong, healthy relationship.

However, if you have an unsupportive partner, it can feel like something important is lacking. Letting your partner know when they’re not meeting your needs might help improve the situation.

If you recognize any of the following five signs of lack of support, addressing them could help get your relationship back on track:

1. They make false promises.

Not keeping promises can lead to frustration and resentment in a relationship, according to Hindustan Times. It’s essential for individuals to make commitments they can realistically fulfill. By doing so, they ensure their actions align with their words, which helps build trust and deepen intimacy over time.

2. Everything is about them.

A relationship should be built on equality, where both partners feel valued. It’s important for individuals not to focus solely on themselves. Instead, they should invest time and effort in understanding their partner and their experiences. This approach fosters mutual respect and strengthens the connection.

3. They ignore your feelings

When a spouse is upset or angry, it is crucial for their partner to listen instead of ridiculing or minimizing their feelings. Dismissing emotions can be harmful and is seen as a toxic trait.

4. They avoid difficult conversations.

Couples should have difficult conversations and collaborate to solve problems together. By working as a team, they can prevent seeing each other as opponents. This approach strengthens their bond and enables them to handle challenges more effectively.

5. They ignore your wins.

Being a spouse means being a strong supporter through both good and bad times. Celebrating a partner’s successes and acknowledging their efforts can greatly boost their morale and confidence. This kind of support fosters a positive environment and strengthens relationships.

If you feel that you have an unsupportive partner, here’s what to do, according to Mel Robbins: