Why do some marriages fail? Here are the key reasons why couples choose to divorce

Divorce is the legal dissolution or termination of a marriage, resulting in the formal end of the marital relationship between two individuals who were ‘made as one’ by marriage.

But beyond its legal definition, it encompasses a range of emotional and psychological responses, including grief, stress, anxiety, depression, anger, guilt, and feelings of loss.

Couples choose to part ways for various reasons, ranging from communication breakdowns and financial strain to infidelity or simply growing apart.

Understanding the underlying causes of divorce can enhance the strength of your own marriage if you’re already wedded, or guide you in making prudent decisions if you’re contemplating marriage.

It can also help you support friends or family who are married.

Divorce Facts

• Usually, one person decides to end a marriage, and only 27% of the time, both agree.
• Most divorces happen between the third and seventh years of marriage.
• Four percent of couples married for 10 years get a divorce.
• Ninety-two percent of divorced people know others who have also gotten divorced.
• Around 63% of divorced people think that knowing more about what it takes to be married might have helped them avoid splitting up.
• Couples split when they’re new to marriage because they’re not really compatible. In fact, 59% of couples who divorced in their first year said this was the big reason.

Why do people get married?

To understand why people get divorced, it’s good to know why they decide to get married in the first place.

• When divorced couples were asked, most of them said they want financial security.
• About 42% of people said they got married for this reason.
• More women (44%) than men thought about money when getting married, likely because women, on average, get paid 22.2% less than men.
• Love was a close second, with 39% of women saying it was the main reason for their marriage.
• Men were more likely to say they got married for companionship, with 42% choosing this as their main motivation.
• Starting a family was the second most common reason for men.
• Some other reasons people got married included making a commitment, being convenient, having good medical insurance, legal reasons, and pressure from society or family.

The link between marriage and divorce

When people marry for specific goals and don’t achieve them, the chance of the marriage not working out increases. Reasons for marrying can be linked to why marriages might end.

• Couples marrying for companionship, financial security, convenience, or starting a family often divorce due to compatibility issues.
• If you marry for friendship but don’t get along, the marriage might not last. Similarly, marrying for reasons other than love can lead to discovering you’re not a good match.
• Couples feeling pressured by society or family to marry are more likely to divorce due to cheating. Feeling forced into commitment makes sticking with it less likely.
• Those who see marriage as a formal commitment might break up due to a lack of intimacy.
• Marrying for the right reasons is crucial for building a strong and lasting relationship.

Most common causes of Divorce

Sometimes, couples face tough things about their partner or situations that make staying together hard, and they might think about getting a divorce, according to Marriage.com.

When a couple feels like they’ve tried everything, but things still don’t work, they might decide to end their marriage. Ever wondered if this could happen to you?

It’s normal for couples to argue and makeup, but sometimes things fall apart for good. Don’t ignore problems in your relationship. Your relationship might be in trouble, too!

Here’s a list of common reasons people get divorced and some statistics. If you see any of these things in your relationship, it’s important to consider where it’s heading.

Understanding what can lead to divorce will help you take steps to prevent more damage.

1. Infidelity

• Research from 2014 says 20% to 40% of U.S. marriages faced at least one case of cheating.
• Cheating can create feelings of betrayal, anger, and resentment that can ruin a relationship, said Joni Ogle, a licensed clinical social worker from Houston, Texas.

2. Financial problems

• Struggling to make ends meet or having a partner who spends too much can stress a marriage.
• If your partner always asks for money, it might show they struggle with financial responsibility.

3. Constant arguing

• Non-stop fighting might mean you’re not a good match or have too many differences, says Dr. Harold Hong, a board certified psychiatrist from Raleigh, North Carolina.
• Too many arguments and not resolving conflicts well can lead to divorce.

4. Unrealistic expectations

• Expecting too much about how your home, location, or treatment as a spouse will be can cause issues.
• Assuming things will magically improve after marriage can signify unrealistic expectations.

5. Lack of intimacy

• Feeling disconnected from your partner can destroy a marriage, whether emotionally or physically.
• It’s not always about sex; constant emotional distance can lead to divorce over time.

6. Lack of equality

• Early inequality signs may include double standards or one partner making all decisions.
• Feeling stuck in traditional gender roles could be a sign of inequality.

7. Lack of preparation

• Not getting ready for marriage can make living together overwhelming.
• Signs of poor preparation may include not having the skills for home life or avoiding important talks about future goals.

8. Domestic violence

• Abuse isn’t just physical; it can be any pattern of harmful behavior to control the other person.
• Signs may include blaming, intimidation, manipulation, or social isolation.

9. Lack of family support

• If your family doesn’t approve of your marriage or your partner, it can lead to feelings of loneliness and grief.
• Your family excluding or criticizing your partner may make you consider divorce.

Saving a marriage is only possible if both people really want to. The marriage can be fixed if there’s mutual love, even with challenges.

“A couple can only heal a relationship and avoid divorce if both parties are willing to work on the relationship and communicate effectively,” says Ogle.

“In most situations, it is possible to heal a relationship with therapy,” says Dr. Danielle McGraw, a licensed clinical psychologist from Scottsdale, Arizona, adding that couples therapy is a helpful option in many situations as it teaches communication skills, how to express feelings and needs, and how to rebuild friendships.

McGraw also said that safety is crucial to save a relationship. If physical, emotional, or mental health is at risk in the marriage, separation or divorce might be the best choice. So, working together and prioritizing safety is important to strengthen a marriage.

Divorce should be the last resort for a marriage, but if it can’t be avoided, this uncharted territory may be used as a chance to grow and discover more about yourself. By learning from this experience, we can approach future relationships with a clearer perspective and a deeper understanding of what it takes to make them work.

Divorce is not the end of your story, it can be the start of a new chapter, a chance to rediscover yourself and pursue your own happiness unapologetically.