Emmy winner Jamie Lee Curtis has opened up about the secret to her 40-year-long marriage with filmmaker Christopher Guest.
In a recent interview with Entertainment Tonight, the 65-year-old actress shared that as their milestone anniversary approaches in December, the key to their enduring relationship is remarkably simple. Jamie says the secret is: “you don’t leave.”
“I’m sober for a long time, and we have a phrase in recovery: ‘If you stay on the bus, the scenery will change.’ And that’s marriage,” she said, explaining that her relationship with Christopher, now 76, naturally experiences ups and downs, sometimes shifting from moment to moment.
Jamie described the ups and downs in her marriage, noting that there are times when they might want to hate each other, but the following day can bring a pleasant moment, such as a cute gesture from their dog or child, causing them to rediscover their affection for each other.
“So, I think perseverance, patience, gentleness — and a really good dose of hatred,” she added.
Jamie remembered discussing marriage with Marlo Thomas and Phil Donahue for their 2020 book “What Makes a Marriage Last.”
When asked about the secret to a lasting marriage, she mentioned the concept of hating one’s spouse, which surprised Marlo.
“But that’s the truth,” Jamie said.
She further explained that moments of hatred are inevitable in any long marriage, such as her 40-year-long marriage with Christopher.
The key, she noted, is to navigate those feelings without letting them lead to regrettable decisions.
The Haunted Mansion star, who won her first Emmy on September 8 for her role in The Bear, recently celebrated a milestone with her husband.
In July, Jamie posted a throwback photo on Instagram from their first date 40 years ago.
The image, showing them holding hands in the 1980s, came with a heartfelt message: “40 years ago today I went on my first date with Christopher. We married five months later and started to build our lives. Chance encounter. Life hinging. Children growing. LOVE IS LOVE!”
After just five months of dating, the couple, who married on December 18, 1984, have two daughters: Annie, 34, and Ruby, 25, according to PEOPLE.
Jamie has discussed the challenges in her 40-year-long marriage with Christopher, saying that their relationship has had its ups and downs.
In a 1991 interview, she described it as “difficult, but successful,” acknowledging that it isn’t always easy.
Nevertheless, Jamie highlighted that Christopher has been a reliable source of support throughout.
“I feel safe when I drive up and see that [he is] home,” she told AARP in 2021. “That’s the long marriage,” she added, describing the sense of security as a hallmark of a long marriage.
Jamie also explained that knowing his car is in the garage reassures her that she is not alone.
The science behind couples’ love-hate relationship
Relationships aren’t always perfect, and research supports this. A 2014 Social Psychological and Personality Science study had 37 participants think about their partners and report positive and negative feelings, Business Insider noted.
The results showed that while people quickly noted positive traits, they were quicker to associate negative words with their partners.
The study concluded that people experience love and hate in their relationships. Although “hatred” in relationships often shows up as criticism, there are ways to handle it.
San Francisco therapist Avigail Lev previously told Business Insider about psychologist John Gottman’s “magic ratio of 5:1.”
This guideline suggests that for every negative interaction, couples should have five positive ones. Lev noted that this could mean giving five compliments for each criticism.
“We don’t have to decrease criticisms,” Lev said. “We just add more appreciation and gratitude.”
Here’s how Jamie Lee Curtis predicted she would marry Christopher Guest and how they survived a 40-year-long marriage (and counting):
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