6 signs of communal narcissist and how they do good only when there’s an audience to praise them

Narcissism isn’t always easy to spot. While many associate it with arrogance and self-promotion, experts say there’s a lesser-known type called a communal narcissist.

These individuals appear helpful and generous, often going out of their way for others.

But beneath the surface, their actions are driven more by a need for praise than genuine kindness. In short, narcissism can sometimes be disguised as selflessness.

What exactly is communal narcissism?

Hannah Alderete, a licensed mental health counselor and author of “Break Free From Narcissistic Mothers,” told HuffPost that communal narcissism often shows up in people who appear deeply involved in helping others.

However, she explained that their efforts aren’t always as genuine as they seem.

“While they may seem selfless and dedicated to humanitarian efforts, their true motivation is the attention and validation thy receive for being seen as a ‘pillar’ of the community,” she said.

While narcissism is often linked to people who crave attention for their personal success, experts say communal narcissists seek praise differently.

Instead of bragging about achievements, they focus on being seen as the most helpful or caring community member.

Their goal isn’t just to do good—to be recognized for doing it better than anyone else.

“The idea of communal narcissism comes out of the social psychology literature from a guy named Jochen Gebauer,” said University of Georgia psychology professor and narcissism expert W. Keith Campbell.

He added that communal narcissism can look like moral superiority, with people believing they’re more kind or ethical than everyone else.

While it may not seem harmful initially, experts say it’s still driven by a need to feel superior.

In these cases, kindness is less about helping others and more about boosting their image.

Gebauer’s research reveals that communal narcissists are driven by the same need for power and recognition as other narcissists.

However, instead of seeking success through wealth or career, they focus on being seen as generous and morally superior.

They often see themselves as the most helpful, trustworthy, or ideal friend, believing their good deeds will one day earn them public praise for making a difference.

6 clear signs of communal narcissism you should know

Communal narcissism shows up when someone seems overly dedicated to a cause or charity, but mostly to make themselves look good. Their focus can affect daily life, relationships, and even the goals of the organizations they support. Here are six signs to watch for according to a 2012 study:

1. Extreme Dedication to Causes

They pour all their energy into a cause, sometimes ignoring personal responsibilities. Their drive can push others aside or create tension in teams or social groups.

2. Speaking as if on a “Mission.”

They view themselves as uniquely chosen to serve others and often dismiss the needs or interests of others as selfish.

 

3. Stirring Up Drama

At work or charitable events, they may create unnecessary conflict. Instead of helping the group, they focus on social hierarchies or petty politics.

4. Acting Like a Martyr

They highlight sacrifices to shame others. For example, a vegan may criticize meat-eaters, or someone who gives publicly may scold the wealthy for not donating enough.

5. Unfounded Superiority

They believe they are the best at a task or role, even when others disagree or evidence suggests otherwise.

6. Social Concern That’s Mostly Public

Their efforts often aim to impress others. They may make flashy donations or post about environmental issues online, but rarely take real, private action.

Recognizing these behaviors can help you understand the motives behind someone’s “heroic” actions and protect your own boundaries.

How to deal with a communal narcissist?

“The tricky thing about dealing with communal narcissists is that out of all the narcissistic types, they probably have the best reputation,” said Chelsey Brook Cole, a psychotherapist specializing in narcissistic abuse.

She added that these people are motivated by a strong need for validation, leading them to focus heavily on creating an image of being selfless and caring.

Moreover, they put in significant effort to maintain this facade, hoping to be recognized as generous and compassionate by others.

Experts also advise keeping a record of all communications when dealing with a communal narcissist, whether at work or in social settings.

This ensures there’s documentation of decisions and interactions. Communal narcissists may try to take credit for your ideas or accuse you of not following through to benefit themselves.

To protect yourself, staying calm and disengaging from emotionally charged conversations is crucial. Neutral responses or nonverbal cues like nodding or eye contact can help defuse tension.

Sticking to the facts and avoiding being distracted by provocative statements is also important.

Suppose a communal narcissist starts prying into your personal life or gathering information to use against you. In that case, experts recommend shifting the conversation back to them.

Complimenting them or asking for their input on a neutral topic can help steer the discussion and protect your emotional and professional well-being.

Experts warn that many cult leaders show signs of communal narcissism, using charm and charisma to present themselves as moral or spiritual guides.

While they promise personal growth or enlightenment, these leaders often demand unquestioning loyalty and increasing sacrifices from their followers.

Not all communal narcissists go to such extremes. Still, it’s important to stay emotionally distant, watch for manipulation tactics, and be cautious of their words in everyday interactions.

Setting clear boundaries and staying alert is key when dealing with a communal narcissist. Understanding the different types of narcissism can help protect yourself.

If conflicts arise, experts suggest looking for inconsistencies between their public image and private behavior and documenting facts to protect your side, mainly when their reputation is used against you.

To minimize risk, it’s advised to avoid being alone with a communal narcissist, as this could lead to a situation where it’s their word against yours. Whenever possible, interact with a trusted friend or neutral third party.

Without witnesses or proof, narcissists may deny events, but having a rational witness can help ensure others believe your version of events.

Here’s some more information about communal narcissist from Dr. Ramani: