Narcissists are some of the most difficult people to manage – they are self-centered, lack empathy, and can be completely dismissive of other peoples’ needs and emotions.
They are also toxic, deceiving, and highly manipulative. Still, they can easily convince others and mask their intentions, and get away with it each time! How do they do it?
Everyone has been negatively influenced by a narcissist at some point in their lives. They can be a family member, romantic partner, classmate, or colleague.
And they all have the same behavioral pattern – charming and attentive at the beginning, until they gain some control over your life.
Why do we let narcissists get away with such behavior? Narcissists can easily convince others that they have good intentions, and this is how they do it:
1. They know how to leave a good impression.
Narcissists know that they must leave a good impression to attract their victims. They act friendly and charming, and usually present themselves as successful, happy, and trustworthy people.
They create an attractive image and personality that is the most likeable and least imposing to catch other people’s attention and interest. And they may actually be successful – possibly through their own efforts or by climbing the ladder through manipulation and deceit.
Even when there is something negative about a successful person, it is difficult to speak against them because of the power they hold.
After carefully cultivating such an attractive personality, narcissists will go to extreme lengths – through lies, cheating, and intrigues – to maintain that misleading image of themselves.
2. They never take responsibility.
Narcissists believe that they have not done anything wrong and can easily deflect blame on others. They always find a way to escape responsibility and accountability. It’s sometimes easy to trust somebody when they have a reputation for always being right.
3. They are very good at managing their emotions.
Narcissists are masters at controlling their emotions and can be emotionally detached. When they are in a heated conflict, they can appear calm and collected, while the victim might seem to be on the verge of an emotional breakdown.
They give the impression that the other person is always the crazy one in the situation, while the toxic narcissist appears to be quite reasonable.
4. They control people in their circle.
Narcissists want to be the center of attention, so they want the world to revolve around them. They make sure to surround themselves with family, friends, and colleagues who think highly of them.
5. They isolate their victims.
Narcissists can take control over someone by making themselves the central most important figure in someone’s life. They can make their victims believe that they care and worry over others when they only want to gain complete control over someone.
After being cut off from family and friends, the victim will start to believe everything the narcissist says. The narcissist will use lies, mind games, and manipulation to gain complete power over the victim, who may end up with extreme emotional damage.
6. They take joy in gaslighting.
Gaslighting is the act of making others question their reality. Narcissists may tell convincing lies that make people question their memories, twist facts, and alter their reality.
This is a horrific form of manipulative emotional abuse that can cause serious damage to one’s self-confidence and psyche.
7. They consider kindness a weakness.
Often, kindhearted people easily fall prey to narcissists. They generally believe what other people say and it takes a while for them to see a narcissist’s true colors.
8. Narcissists are hard to spot.
There are no clear signs that a person is a narcissist. A self-centered person may not be manipulative. Someone who is helping you might really be doing so with good intentions.
It takes time to recognize a narcissist and unfortunately, by the time you realize that you’re dealing with one, it might already be too late.
A victim of narcissism is bound to feel pain and anger when narcissists are not held to account for their actions. What may be worse is that no one might believe you if you speak out against them. In this case, it is best to protect yourself and stand up for other victims.
Understanding how narcissists operate will protect you from becoming a victim. Be prepared to catch signs of narcissism in others.
Remember, however, that people with narcissistic qualities are not always bad people. Still, it is better to be aware and recognize people who might be narcissists, to avoid becoming a victim and ensure your own emotional and mental health and well-being.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational or entertainment purposes only. Readers should consult professionals for concerns and personalized advice, and the author/publisher is not liable for actions taken based on the content.
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This is exactly what happens. I only found out about Narcissisim after I left him only 3 years married. We had been friends first and he was supportive when my husband was dying. 2 yrs after that we got married. The abuse came quite quickly. I knew he was lying and cheating but it was denied and plausable excuses made. He thought he was clever as be was getting away with it. But I found proof he was cheating and told him I knew and it was over while he was away to a hotel. It’s hard to believe that someone would tell everyone about the wonderful beautiful wife he had and was treating me the way he was. I’ve no contact and it’s now 15months.I recorded the last abuse on my phone in case I wouldn’t be believed. I’m a qualified counsellor and I knew I shouldn’t be living like that. He’s 66 still womanising. Thank goodness because of our age we didn’t have children and previous marital children were all grown up. Also I owned my own house which my 1st husband left me.
My son-in-law is a perfect fit for this article. After 17 yrs of marriage and four children later he decided it would finally be best if my husband and I moved from the west coast to the east coast to ‘join the family’ – something we had never had his approval of previously. But we were getting older and if we die he would be able to manipulate our daughter’s inheritance. We moved. Two months later he walked into his home, told our daughter he had not loved her for several years and wanted a divorce. Then his teenage son discovered on his dad’s phone that he had been corresponding with someone romantically. He moved out, cut my daughter out of his employer’s health insurance (at a time she was due to have surgery, he said “I’m not paying for that!” He also told her he was going to sell the house that he alone has worked for (his credit history was terrible and so he had to apply for the mortgage in both his and my daughter’s name since her credit was perfect). She is not selling and has a lawyer who hopefully will fighter for her rights.
This has been devastating to his teenage daughter and his two little girls, ages 3 and 5. He refuses to apply for a divorce until he is “ready” and has dragged this out over 2.5 yrs. He knows my health is poor and is waiting for me to die before he gets his divorce but my husband is adamant things are not going to be going the way he wants. His teen children desperately need to be in counseling which he refuses to pay for. My daughter has completed one masters degree before marrying him and is working on another to better her chances of making a real living. She works (after staying home under his control for 17 yrs) part-time teaching but he is pressuring her to get a full-time job. The custody of the children is up in the air. He did not want to take care of them until he learned he could make more money if he chose partial custody.
He uses his 5 yr old to get to see a married woman and to get sympathy from others for his claim his wife was a ‘terrible mother and wife’. He told his daughter her best friend would now be the daughter of the woman he wants to see. He arranges playdates so he can see this woman. This child cries because she already has friends she wants to play with but he overrides her insisting she play with this woman’s daughter. He is on the administrative faculty at a private Christian academy and has used his charms on everyone there. They think he’s wonderful. To complicate matters, his children attend there and are told they will not dare tell anyone about what is going on at home. He treats his family abusively (emotionally) and it is disgusting to observe.
My husband and I have been told to ‘stay out of this marriage’ speaking of the situation he created. We live close by and are underwriting our daughter’s education, bills, expenses, expenditures for the children and I just thank God that we have the means to do so. Our daughter wants to be kind to everyone, (we knew she walked right into this relationship with blinders on). She does not want to “drag him over the coals” in court. She continues to let him pop into her home in time for dinner, uninvited and unannounced; shower there occasionally, even nap on her bed! She is afraid that it will make matters worse if she takes a stand against him).
I’ve observed he is really proficient at procuring free meals and has been that way for as long as I can remember. He used to have the audacity to ask for money or gifts from us, (World Series tickets, vacations, clothing, etc) but we would ignore his requests for the most part but that does not keep him from asking from free meals from acquaintances who own restaurants also at a jazz club where he performs part time. Once a year he would take the ‘family’ his wife, kids, my husband and I to dinner. When we looked at the menu he would go around the table and tell the kids and wife “try to stay at $10” which would only pay for an appetizer, then he would order the most expensive full meal on the menu for himself. I detested accepting anything from him because I knew there was always a ulterior motive for him sharing anything. After 17 yrs of paying their way to visit us once a year then when we would travel to see the grandkids he would direct the whole visit, what we did, how long we could stay, etc. Well, I could go on and on but you get the picture, the guy professes to be a Christian which is something that is important to my husband and I and his wife, but rarely lives an authentic Christian life. He even told us after causing his family all this trauma, “I’ve already confessed to God and I know I am forgiven completely”. Boy! Has he ever got a big surprise waiting for him in the future. That is not how Christianity works. You don’t get to pick and choose circumstances where you can be a Christian and other times choose to sin.
We are all devastated to watch how this precious family is being abused and torn apart. We have watched our daughter go from a loving, sweet, kind and thoughtful person to losing her self-confidence and blame herself for not being “more” for him. If it was not for prayer I would have not been able to handle the heartache this causes.
Last, he protects his false sense of popularity by voluntering for everything at work and in the community, hopping around from place to place and thinking he really has it going on. Few people recognize him for what he is and those that do fear going up against him. He is a talented jazz musician as well and ingratiates himself to those who know him through that connection. He has managed to be very successful in this wealthy community by preying upon others he feel he can get something from. I have only one question, “Why do good people let these deceptive snakes do this to others without exposing them for what they are? They need to be held accountable in the court of public opinion but often are not because of the power they wield, the deception they weave and the fear they cause in others.
This is my daughter!
@Sherry Johnson, she better wake up
I have some neighbors in my building that are like that.Trying to stay away from them.they are very sick and very toxic.