The best and worst things to say when someone you care about is going through a breakup

Knowing what to say to someone after a breakup can be difficult, but the right words can offer real comfort.

Their heart may be shattered, and they may feel rejection, betrayal, or loneliness all at once.

Your love and presence matter in moments like these, but finding the right words can be difficult.

“These words, for better or worse, stay with people,” Natalia Juarez, a relationship coach who helps people navigate breakups, told Times.

She explains that the end of a relationship can shake someone’s identity, routines, and even future plans.

What they remember most isn’t the details of their ex but how their friends showed up for them in that vulnerable time.

Avoiding toxic positivity after a breakup

Well-meaning phrases can sometimes do more harm than good.

Juarez cautions against telling a friend that “time heals all wounds” because it often sounds like toxic positivity and makes people feel their pain is dismissed.

She also advises against comments like “at least you weren’t married,” or “just find someone new.”

While these words might seem lighthearted, they can minimize the importance of the relationship and invalidate your friend’s loss.

For someone deep in grief, such remarks only deepen their hurt instead of helping with relationship healing.

Offering emotional support through listening

Experts recommend opening the conversation gently instead of trying to fix the situation right away.

Saying something neutral like, “That is really big news,” gives your friend space to share their feelings.

From there, you can listen without judgment and offer steady emotional support. Healing from heartbreak is rarely straightforward.

“You get incrementally better, but there’s volatility,” Morgan Cope, an assistant professor of psychology at Centre College in Kentucky, says. “One day you feel really cruddy, and then the next you’re like, ‘OK, I’m getting there,’ and then you think you see their car in the street, and you have an emotional breakdown.”

Acknowledging these emotional ups and downs shows empathy and helps your friend feel understood.

Supporting their journey of relationship healing

Not every breakup is purely sad. For some, it’s a step toward freedom and growth.

If your friend feels relieved, recognizing their courage can help. A simple congratulations—paired with reassurance that better things lie ahead—can lift their spirits.

Others may wrestle with regret, wondering if they could have done more to save the relationship. Reminding them of their effort makes a difference.

Juarez says affirming their attempts “helps release some painful feelings, like regret.”

This encouragement can stop them from spiraling into endless self-doubt and guide them toward healthier relationship healing.

Finding a new perspective after a breakup

For those ending uncertain relationships, clarity itself can be a gift. Acknowledging the relief of no longer living in limbo can empower them to move forward.

Juarez recalls a friend telling her she had dodged a bullet after her broken engagement.

“It gave me these anchors to hold on to, even when I was second-guessing myself,” she says.

Those words helped her believe that the ending, though painful, was ultimately for the best.

Matchmaker Amber Lee often reframes the end of a relationship as growth, reminding people that they aren’t starting over—they’re starting with wisdom and strength.

This approach makes the next chapter less intimidating and more empowering.

Validating emotions without shame

It’s normal for someone to miss an ex, even when they know the person wasn’t right for them. That mix of sadness and longing can be confusing.

“We can’t control what we feel,” Lee says. “Let them know they shouldn’t be ashamed—it’s OK to feel that way in this moment, and in fact, it’s probably very normal to feel that way.”

By reassuring them, you remove guilt and allow them to grieve without judgment.

This form of emotional support helps friends move forward without feeling pressured to hide or rush their feelings.

When silence speaks louder than words

Sometimes, the best thing you can do after a breakup is be there.

Watching a show, sharing a meal, or sitting quietly together can bring comfort without forcing conversation.

“Maybe they’re really depressed, understandably, and they want that emotional connection, but they just don’t want to have to talk about [the breakup],” says psychologist Jan Miller.

Your presence alone can heal, showing they are not alone—even in silence.

A gentle path through breakup

When someone you love is reeling from a breakup, compassion is the most powerful gift you can offer.

Avoid toxic positivity, listen without judgment, and use words that validate their pain while pointing toward hope.

With time, steady support, and kindness, your friend will find strength again—one step at a time.

Want more guidance? Watch Emotional Health Practitioner Jo Morton-Brown share practical tips on how to support a friend through a breakup: