Experts reveal 8 topics kids shouldn’t hear and 5 they should during adult conversations

It’s crucial to keep adult conversations out of children’s earshot, as kids quickly pick up on what’s said around them, even if it seems they’re not listening.

So, should certain topics be off-limits for children during adult conversations, or could some discussions benefit their understanding and development?

Clinical psychologist Laura Markham says it’s not the topic being discussed but how it’s presented that matters most.

“For instance, you would not have a discussion about your financial worries that would make your child worry. But you could certainly discuss the fact that a new car or a pricey vacation is not in your budget this year,” she told HuffPost.

Markham and other therapists share their tips on what to say—and what to avoid—when talking in front of young or school-age children.

1. Marital issues

Dr. Nicholas Jenner warns that children can get caught in adult conflicts, especially during difficult situations like divorce. Parents should avoid using their children to hurt or manipulate the other parent, as this can lead to feelings of guilt and anxiety in kids.

Children must not be exposed to adult problems and are given constant reassurance that they are loved, especially during a separation.

2. Adult finances

Pediatric psychologist Ann-Louise Lockhart says children often misunderstand adult financial struggles and may fear the worst, like losing their home or going hungry. This can lead to anxiety and guilt, making them feel like a burden if they need things.

Lockhart advises parents to keep explanations simple and calm, reassuring children with statements like, “We’re sticking to a budget so we can make good choices.” She encourages kids to understand that adults manage expenses and that their needs will be met.

3. Negative feelings about anyone

Jenner highlights that many clients have shared how their parents treated them like friends, often confiding in them about family matters. While children may feel special, such discussions should be kept private for their well-being.

Jenner also advises against making negative comments about a child’s appearance or weight, as many clients, especially women, have found these remarks hurtful. Additionally, when parents discuss these issues with others, it can strain the parent-child relationship.

4. Normalizing drug and alcohol use

Marriage and family therapist Brianne Billups Hughes warns that normalizing or glorifying alcohol and drug use around children can lead to unhealthy attitudes as they grow up. She explains that kids are impressionable, and even joking about these substances can encourage risky behaviors.

“It’s important to model responsible behavior and avoid making these substances seem glamorous or harmless,” she said.

5. Personal problems

Jenner highlights that children often see their parents as role models and believe they have everything under control. Sharing personal struggles can shake this belief, causing insecurity and possibly leading to a “parenting” dynamic. To avoid this, parents should keep their self-doubt private.

However, allowing the kids listen to adult conversations on how challenges were overcome, focusing on resilience and problem-solving, can help children face difficulties with confidence instead of relying on them for emotional support.

6. People’s bodies

Hughes highlights that children are highly influenced by how adults speak about their or others’ bodies. Children may absorb these negative views when adults criticize their appearance, impacting their self-esteem and body image over time.

“Kids are like sponges, soaking up everything,” Hughes told HuffPost.

Markham added that even compliments about body shape or weight can lead children to place too much importance on appearance, reinforcing the idea that looks matter most.

7. Remarks that compare the kid to their siblings

Markham cautions that comparing siblings can create rivalry and tension, even when the comments are positive. She explains that comparisons can lead to feelings of jealousy and insecurity.

For instance, praising one child as the “good kid” can pressure them to keep that label while potentially causing them to see their sibling as the “bad” one, all to maintain their special status in the parent’s eyes.

8. Bad comments about other parents

Markham warns that adults should avoid speaking negatively about a child’s other parent or caregivers, even if the child can hear. She explains that this can pressure children to choose sides or fix the situation, harming their sense of security.

She also notes that such comments can damage the child’s relationship with the criticized parent, making them feel guilty for having negative thoughts about them.

Adult conversations that can be discussed around kids

While adults often avoid certain topics out of concern that they might harm children, experts suggest these discussions can be beneficial when handled carefully and in a way that suits the child’s age and understanding.

1. Money in general

Experts say it’s important not to shield children completely from discussions about money. However, they should be kept away from adult financial stress. Hughes advises that talking to kids about money in a way that suits their age can help teach valuable lessons on budgeting, saving, and responsible spending.

She notes that children who learn these skills early are more likely to develop good financial habits later in life. Still, she cautions against burdening them with adult financial worries.

2. Their mistakes

Lockhart advises adults to be honest with their children about their mistakes instead of trying to appear perfect. Acknowledging errors helps teach kids how to handle setbacks responsibly. By sharing how they took responsibility and worked on a solution, parents show children that mistakes are normal and can be managed constructively.

3. Healthy disagreements

Experts suggest that while parents may think they should keep conflicts private, it can be helpful for children to witness respectful disagreements. Markham explains that children benefit from seeing parents handle differences without attacking each other, teaching them the importance of love and communication.However, she warns that heated arguments with yelling or name-calling should be avoided in front of kids, as these can harm their emotional health.

For sensitive topics like sex, experts agree that such discussions are better held privately, developmental psychologist Diana Divecha wrote for Greater Good Magazine.

4. Sex, consent, and bodily changes

Parents may shy away from discussing sensitive topics with their children, thinking they’re too uncomfortable or complicated. However, Hughes emphasizes the importance of addressing these subjects age-appropriately.

Teaching children about consent, body autonomy, and basic facts like anatomy and puberty helps them develop a healthy understanding of their bodies and relationships. It also empowers them to ask questions, set boundaries, and feel confident about their physical development while guarding against misinformation.

5. Honest emotions

Experts say it’s important for children to see adults handle their emotions healthily. Hughes explains that sharing feelings like sadness or frustration in an age-appropriate manner helps kids understand it’s normal to experience a range of emotions.

It also teaches them how to manage and express their own feelings. Lockhart adds that this process fosters emotional intelligence, showing kids that positive and negative emotions are temporary and safe to express.

Here’s parenting expert Nicholeen Peck telling more about what kids should not hear during adult conversations: