Passing the ‘Bird Test’ is a good sign that your relationship will last and it’s backed by experts

A TikTok trend testing relationships has been circulating online, involving how partners respond to random things.

Many TikTok users are testing their relationships with the “bird test,” which is based on research by the Gottman Institute.

The trend began when a TikTok user shared it on the platform in October 2023.

In the TikTok trend, @alyssacardib explained that in a relationship, it’s important for one partner to show genuine interest when the other mentions something small, like seeing a bird.

She shared how she became close friends with someone after bonding over spotting a woodpecker.

The bird test involves showing a bird to your partner and noting their response.

It’s a positive sign of a strong relationship if they show interest and ask questions.

Conversely, if they show no interest, it suggests a less healthy relationship, according to test supporters.

The Gottman Institute explains that the bird test goes beyond birds. It’s about seeing how partners react to each other’s connecting efforts.

Responses are categorized as “turning toward,” fully engaging with the bid, or “turning away,” not responding.

Bids for connection encompass various actions, from asking for help to seeking affection.

According to the Gottman Institute‘s research, successful relationships often involve more instances of “turning toward,” where partners happily engage with each other’s bids for connection.

In good relationships, partners pay attention, listen, and talk without distractions.

John Gottman found that healthy couples often make and accept bids to connect.

The importance of bids in a relationship

Gottman highlights the importance of responding to your partner’s bids to connect for trust, closeness, and a fulfilling relationship.

In his research, successful couples responded positively 86% of the time, while struggling couples only did so 33%.

While occasional romantic gestures are nice, daily attention keeps relationships strong.

One person’s experience showed that small bids for connection, not grand gestures, can save a relationship.

Simple bids hold much power in relationships, even though they may seem small.

Showing your partner that you want to connect by making many bids throughout the day is crucial.

According to Gottman’s research, successful couples frequently make bids.

For instance, successful couples can make up to one hundred bids during a ten-minute dinner, while struggling couples manage only around sixty-five.

When our partner turns down our bids, it hurts and leads to frustration, which can spark criticism and arguments.

Gottman suggests that breakups often occur not due to major conflicts but because of resentment from partners consistently ignoring each other’s attempts to connect.

The key lesson is to regularly make small efforts to connect, paying attention to and positively responding to your partner’s bids for connection, whether they’re sighs, winks, or questions, to foster a sense of being heard and valued.

Although the bird test might carry some significance, it shouldn’t be used as the only measure for a successful relationship.

“I think what’s interesting about the bird test is that it highlights the importance of everyday interactions,” Georgina Sturmer, a counselor, told HuffPost.

“[It highlights] the importance of being attentive and appreciative of each other’s insights and opinions. In our busy, everyday lives, we are so used to making plans, debriefing each other on our days, and organizing things that sometimes we forget how to just ‘be’ with each other,” she added.

Sturmer highlighted how the TikTok trend underscores our natural urge to connect with others and stresses the importance of actively avoiding complacency to fulfill that need.

Meanwhile, relationship coach Sidhharrth Kumaar warned against solely using the bird test to gauge relationship success, recognizing its importance but advocating for a more comprehensive approach.

“A ‘failed’ outcome in this test should be used as an indicator for the need to rejuvenate the emotional bond in a relationship and re-establish the ‘Cupid vibes,'” Kumaar said. “It may serve as a tool to do a course correction, more than clipping the wings of a relationship and breaking it up.”

Sturmer agreed, stating that the test measures the attention we invest in each other.

She stressed its ability to prompt self-reflection on whether we are actively nurturing connection and if the relationship appears enduring.

Additionally, Sturmer questioned our readiness to put in the effort required to sustain it if necessary.

Here’s the viral TikTok trend about bird tests:

@alyssacardibBird test♬ original sound – Lyss Lyss