Older people reveal 6 major regrets in the hopes the younger generation can avoid them

Many people say they want to live without regrets, but few achieve this. In fact, many end up with major regrets in their lives.

Perhaps aiming for a life without regrets is not the best goal. Regret is a common feeling caused by thinking about past actions and their possible outcomes.

A study found that, over a week, people regretted nearly one-third of the decisions they remembered making.

Regret often involves self-blame for making the “wrong” choice.

Some regrets are minor and fade quickly, but there are major regrets that can linger, causing deep self-blame, sadness, and a sense of loss over missed opportunities.

Karl Pillemer, a gerontologist at Cornell University, talked to TODAY about his discussions with older Americans.

“If you get to the end of your life with no regrets at all, you probably haven’t lived that interesting a life,” he said. “But they can’t believe how people waste their time. Petty fights, resentments, and worry.”

Pillemer and his team interviewed 1,500 people over 65 for his book “30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans,” focusing on their lives’ major regrets.

Here are their major regrets and advice on avoiding similar mistakes:

1. They regret allowing family estrangement to happen.

Pillemer found that many elderly people estranged from their children were among the unhappiest he encountered.

They deeply regretted not making more effort to reconcile, seek forgiveness, apologize, or communicate before it became too late.

He observed that disagreements that seemed significant in earlier years often lose importance later in life.

Even when relationships with other children were good, the estranged relationship caused them considerable remorse and sadness.

The elders advise to take every opportunity to mend rifts with loved ones — whether children, parents, siblings, or friends — by seeking forgiveness and reconciliation.

2. They did not travel enough.

Pillemer stressed that people often regret not taking one last trip when they can no longer travel. Even frequent travelers would lament missing out on destinations like Japan.

Many delay major trips until retirement, only to find that health issues prevent them.

They advise prioritizing travel over other expenses because of its enriching experiences.

“If you have a choice between a kitchen remodel and a trip, I say take the trip,” one elderly woman told Pillemer.

3. They married too soon.

Pillemer found that older individuals believe choosing a life partner is one of life’s most crucial decisions.

Based on their experiences, they observed that many people rush into relationships without enough caution, seeing them as a last chance or simply falling into them.

Based on a difficult relationship, one woman advised that it’s better not to marry than to marry the wrong person.

Their collective advice is to thoroughly understand a potential partner before committing to ensure compatibility.

4. They regret not telling their feelings.

Pillemer highlighted that many older men regret not expressing enough love to their wives and other important sentiments.

He emphasized the irreplaceability of opportunities to seek forgiveness, apologize, show gratitude, or gather information from someone who has passed away.

Lesson from the elders: seize the present moment to say what you feel and what’s on your mind before it’s too late.

5. They regret being afraid of career opportunities.

The elders were more supportive of career risk-taking than Pillemer expected, often regretting missed opportunities due to fear or comfort in their current jobs.

Jeremy Bloom, founder of Wish of a Lifetime, noted that the older generation advises living with a bias towards saying “yes.”

They believe you’re more likely to regret not taking a career change than trying and failing.

Their advice is to always say yes to career opportunities unless there’s a strong reason not to and try new things without staying stuck in one place.

6. They regret not taking care of their bodies.

Older individuals who smoked, didn’t exercise, or became obese often regretted these choices, realizing it wasn’t just about mortality.

Pillemer noted that many justify their habits with thoughts like enjoying smoking or neglecting exercise and diet preferences.

However, he cautioned that the consequence today is not earlier death but enduring 10 to 20 years of chronic illness due to advancements in medical care prolonging life.

Their advice to younger people is to prioritize their health and adjust their lifestyle if it’s detrimental. Otherwise, chronic diseases will significantly impact the quality of their lives.

While some regret what they did or did not do, others regret how their worries significantly affected their lives when they were younger.

HuffPost asked people in their 80s and 90s to know if the old adage, “Most of the things we worry about don’t happen,” is true.

They discovered they spent too much time worrying about things that might also concern younger people now. Here’s what they found out:

1. They regret worrying about other people’s thoughts about them.

Jackie Stricker, 100, living independently in Rochester, NY, shared that she cared about others’ opinions during her teenage years.

As she got older, this concern faded. She explained to HuffPost, “Sometimes people don’t like you, and there’s nothing you can do about it. They themselves don’t even know why, so I don’t worry about it.”

2. They regret worrying so much about their looks.

Naomi Goldrich, a 91-year-old from California, shared that she worried about appearances until her 40s and 50s, feeling insecure about her looks in high school due to her family’s financial struggles.

Over time, she realized that appearance wasn’t important as long as she was clean and groomed.

What truly mattered were her actions, leading her to change her life by going to law school and focusing on her achievements instead of looks.

3. Some did not worry about anything and did not regret it.

Jerry Spoerl, an 87-year-old from New Jersey, shared that he avoids worrying by researching to make informed changes and praying when concerned.

He believes worrying is a distraction and advises focusing on real issues. When worries arise, he quickly dismisses them, reminding himself they are often exaggerated.

He boosts his confidence by saying positive affirmations to himself.

For his 80th birthday, his kids made shirts with his favorite mantra: “75% of this life is pure bullshit,” a reminder not to waste time on trivial worries.

Below is a video of people, mixed of retired and young millionaires, talking about their major regrets and mistakes: