The ‘let them’ theory mindset is the best answer to people who tend to disappoint you

Over the past few months, the ‘Let Them‘ Theory has been making waves online.

It started when Mel Robbins, a popular motivational speaker, shared it on Instagram.

In her video, with millions of views and likes, Robbins talks about the importance of letting go of control in certain situations.

Robbins tells about the essence of the ‘Let Them Theory’ through practical examples, advocating for a paradigm shift in how we interact with others.

“If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, let them,” Robbins said.

“If the person that you’re really attracted to is not interested in a commitment, let them. If your kids don’t want to get up and go to that thing with you this weekend, let them,” she added.

Robbins insists that too often, we waste time and energy trying to push others into meeting our expectations.

Instead, she proposes a simpler, more liberating approach: “letting them” be themselves.

“The truth is if somebody … is not showing up how you need them to show up, do not try to force them to change,” she said.

“Let them be themselves because they are revealing who they are to you. Just let them. Then, you get to choose what you do next,” she added.

Meanwhile, the origin of the theory remains unknown. Robbins said she had just heard about this thing called the ‘Let Them’ theory and that she loved it!

Basically, the Let Them Theory underscores the acknowledgment that we cannot control the actions or decisions of others, per Glamour.

It urges us to relinquish the burden of forcing our desires onto those closest to us and accept the mindset of acceptance.

The theory received a lot of positive responses, with thousands of individuals showing its transformative effects on their relationships.

Many claim that adopting this approach has fostered harmony and minimized conflicts in their interactions.

Dr. Sophie Mort, a clinical psychologist and mental health expert, offers deeper insights into the psychological foundation of the Let Them Theory

She said that our natural desire to control others often stems from a need to relieve our own anxieties and uncertainties.

However, such attempts often result in disappointment and exhaustion as we realize the uselessness of our efforts.

Dr. Mort advocates for a paradigm shift wherein we prioritize acceptance over control.

By giving individuals the freedom to express themselves, we not only ease the strain on our relationships but also gain clarity in discerning true connections.

This approach proves particularly invaluable in the realm of dating and relationship dynamics.

By refraining from imposing our expectations onto others, we afford ourselves the opportunity to truly observe and evaluate their compatibility with our values and desires.

While the Let Them Theory may not be formally recognized in clinical settings, its principles connects with established concepts such as acceptance and mindfulness.

It shows the essence of acceptance and commitment therapy, emphasizing the importance of accepting our thoughts and feelings without judgment.

Meanwhile, marriage and family therapist Jennifer Chappell Marsh further explains the resemblance between the Let Them Theory and the psychological concept of “locus of control.”

This notion, introduced by psychologist Julian B. Rotter, pertains to the extent to which individuals perceive control over the events in their lives.

By embracing the Let Them Theory, individuals can reclaim agency over their own experiences and responses, thereby fostering a sense of empowerment.

However, it’s imperative to recognize the limitations of the Let Them Theory.

While it promotes acceptance and nonjudgmental attitudes, it must not be employed in situations where safety is compromised or where necessary conversations are avoided.

“Sometimes, difficult conversations are necessary for resolving issues, and avoiding them can lead to more problems in relationships,” said Chapell Marsh.

Overall, the Let Them Theory offers a compelling framework for navigating interpersonal relationships with grace and understanding.

By embracing the principle of acceptance and relinquishing the impulse to control, individuals can cultivate deeper connections and foster mutual respect and empathy.

Watch Mel Robbins talk about how “Let Them” Theory can change your life: