Why heartbreak feels so painful and how experts compare it to physical wounds

Breaking up with someone you love can feel as painful as a physical injury, and science backs this up—it’s not just in your head. The good news is that researchers have also uncovered ways to help with healing after heartbreak.

Studies reveal that the brain reacts to heartbreak in much the same way it does to physical pain. Losing a loved one can feel like a significant loss, leaving you with a heavy sense of emptiness and emotional hurt.

So, why does heartbreak feel so intense, and how can you move forward and heal?

Heartbreak doesn’t just affect your emotions—it can impact your physical health too, says Dr. Deborah Lee, a medical expert from Dr Fox Online Pharmacy.

“When you fall in love, there is a natural outpouring of hormones,” she told Live Science. “These include the ‘cuddle’ hormone oxytocin and the ‘feel-good’ hormone dopamine.”

However, those levels drop after a breakup, and cortisol, the stress hormone, spikes.

This surge in cortisol can lead to health concerns like weight gain, high blood pressure, heightened anxiety, and acne, Lee explained.

A 2011 study in Biological Sciences found that breakups can activate parts of the brain associated with physical pain.

Participants who had recently been dumped showed brain activity in areas usually linked to physical injury.

This suggests that the emotional pain of rejection is processed similarly to physical pain.

“The neurobiological effects of heartbreak can reach such heights that it has been likened to that of physical pain as evidenced both by self-reported physical symptoms, such as chest pain and panic attacks,” said Eric Ryden, a therapist at Couples Therapy clinic in England, adding that people experiencing heartbreak often describe their emotions as feeling “knocked out” or “crushed.”

He also suggests that heartbreak may involve some exact neural mechanisms, such as physical pain.

Heartbreak can activate the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems, which typically work against each other.

The sympathetic system speeds up the heart rate and breathing during stress, while the parasympathetic system helps the body recover.

This mixed activation can confuse the brain and heart, disrupting the heart’s electrical activity.

Research shows that widows and widowers have a 41% higher risk of death within six months after losing a spouse.

Low heart rate variability, a result of this disruption, is also linked to symptoms like fatigue, anxiety, depression, and poor sleep and is often used to assess depression, according to a 2019 study.

Healing after heartbreak

Here are some ways to help you heal after heartbreak:

1. Reach out for support.

Heartbreak can feel isolating, but connecting with friends, family, or a support group can help you feel less alone. Being surrounded by people who care offers reassurance, and knowing others have experienced similar struggles can bring comfort.

2. Practice meditation and mindfulness.

Meditation and mindfulness can help ease emotional pain by keeping you focused on the present. Techniques like deep breathing and guided visualization reduce anxiety and prevent you from dwelling on the past. By staying grounded, these practices support emotional healing and provide clarity.

3. Accept the pain.

Embracing your emotions is vital to healing. Suppressing pain can slow recovery, so it’s essential to express your feelings—whether through tears, talking, or journaling. Facing your emotions helps you move toward better emotional health.

4. Be kind to yourself.

Being kind to yourself is crucial when healing after heartbreak. Rather than blaming yourself, focus on the lessons you’ve gained from the relationship. Everyone’s journey with love is different, and mistakes don’t determine your worth. You can help ease the healing process by forgiving yourself and showing compassion.

5. Reclaim your identity

Reclaiming your identity after a breakup is essential for healing. Rediscovering past hobbies or exploring new ones can help rebuild your life. Focusing on personal growth and individuality can pave the way for a more fulfilling future.

6. Get professional help

If heartbreak causes lasting sadness or trauma, seeing a therapist can be a crucial step. Therapy helps you process emotions, build coping skills, and regain hope. Professional support can guide you through the pain and help start the process of healing after heartbreak.

Here are some more tips from Impact Video Ministries if you are going through a breakup: