The FIVE stages of grief and how to cope with the loss of your loved one

Losing someone you love can change your life. You’ll miss them and wish they were still with you, and you’ll ask yourself: how to cope with their death?.

Remember that feeling sad, alone, mad, or even finding it hard to focus or sleep is okay.

If you were taking care of them, suddenly having lots of free time can feel strange.

These feelings are normal, and everyone deals with them differently; there’s no right or wrong way to feel sad.

Scientists have been studying how to cope with sadness and loss. They want to know more about how people deal with losing someone important to them.

When our loved one dies, it affects how we feel, act, and think. These reactions are called grief, a natural way to respond to losing someone.

Meanwhile, grieving doesn’t mean you must feel specific emotions, as it happens in many ways.

Different cultures have their own beliefs and traditions on how to cope with the loss of a loved one.

For example, some cultures might mourn quietly and keep their feelings to themselves. Others might express their sadness loudly and openly.

Culture also affects how long people are expected to grieve.

“People often think they should feel a certain way when they’re sad,” said Dr. Wendy Lichtenthal, a Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center psychologist.

But she cautioned that such thinking can make you feel even worse. It’s important to let yourself feel sad and feel whatever comes up.

“People can be quite hard on themselves and critical of their feelings. Be compassionate and kind to yourself,” she concluded.

How to cope with grief and loss?

Dealing with grief is not easy, but there are ways to help you relieve the pain. Some steps you can take on your own, while others may require support from others.

• Allow Yourself to Feel: Feeling different emotions is okay. Cry and express your feelings in any way you want.
• Share Your Emotions: Share your feelings with friends or family. You could also process your emotions through writing, art, or music.
• Be Patient: Healing takes time, and it’s different for everyone. Give yourself the time you need to cope with your loss and adjust to your new life.
• Don’t Compare: We grieve differently. Avoid comparing your grief to others.
• Forgive Yourself: Let go of regrets or guilt about things you did or didn’t say or do. Forgiveness is a powerful part of the healing process.
• Maintain Routine: Keep your life as normal as possible, especially during the first year after your loss. Do not make major life changes if possible.

• Distract Yourself: Find activities that help take your mind off your grief, such as going to movies, reading, or enjoying hobbies you love.
• Take Care of Yourself: Eat well, exercise, and get enough sleep. Walking, swimming, or yoga can help you feel stronger and more relaxed.
• Avoid Excessive Drinking or Drug Use: Using substances to cope might delay your grieving process and lead to other problems.
• Prepare for Special Days: Holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries can bring strong emotions. Plan how you want to spend these days and consider meaningfully honoring your loved one’s memory.

5 Stages of Grief

The 5 Stages of Grief, a theory by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, guides us through the process of mourning after losing a loved one, Verywell Mind noted.

These stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

• Denial: Initially, we might deny the reality of the loss to protect ourselves from overwhelming emotions. Denial allows us to gradually adjust to the new reality and avoid feeling completely overwhelmed by the loss. By gradually acknowledging the truth, we can process our emotions more effectively.
• Anger: As the reality of the loss sinks in, we may experience intense anger. Anger is an emotional outlet, allowing us to express our pain and frustration. While it may keep us away from others, it also provides a release for pent-up emotions. Expressing anger healthily can help us navigate through the grieving process.

• Bargaining: Feeling desperate to ease our pain, we may enter a bargaining stage. This involves making deals or promises to change the situation or find meaning in the loss. While bargaining may offer a sense of control in a situation that feels uncontrollable, it also provides an opportunity for reflection and self-awareness.
• Depression: As we come to terms with the reality of the loss, we may experience deep sadness and withdrawal. Depression allows us to process our emotions more deeply and reflect on the significance of the loss in our lives. While it can be isolating and challenging, it also provides an opportunity for introspection and healing.
• Acceptance: Ultimately, we reach a stage of acceptance where we acknowledge the reality of the loss without resistance or struggle. Acceptance doesn’t mean that we’re no longer sad or grieving but rather that we’ve come to terms with the reality of the situation. It allows us to move forward with our lives while honoring the memory of our loved ones.

Remember that these stages have no specific period. One person may experience them quickly, while another may take months or years.

People grieve differently, and the process is often non-linear. We may move through the stages in a different order or experience them simultaneously.

Watch Grief Expert Julia Samuel as she speaks about how to cope with death through the video below: