Being in an emotionally abusive relationship can be difficult to notice compared to physical abuse, which is more obvious.
Dr. Elaine Ryan, a psychologist, said it might take a while to realize you’re experiencing it, but when you do, it can be both surprising and reassuring to identify it.
Physical abuse is obvious, while emotional abuse is hidden and often unnoticed.
What is emotional abuse?
Emotional abuse occurs when someone controls you through words or actions, known as mental or psychological abuse.
It involves harmful behavior that affects your feelings and is abusive if intended to hurt you, even if you don’t feel hurt.
It often damages self-esteem and confidence. An emotionally abusive person might isolate you from loved ones or prevent you from doing things you enjoy.
Emotional abuse can involve feeling disconnected and left out, gradually eroding your sense of self and freedom.
A survey a decade ago revealed that about half of Americans experienced emotional abuse from romantic partners.
Moreover, emotional abuse isn’t limited to partners; it can occur in various relationships like work, family, or friendships.
Spotting emotional abuse
Emotional abuse can occur sporadically or persistently in a relationship, PsychCentral noted.
While one-time instances can be harmful, repeated abuse can have deeper effects on your well-being.
Though individuals might change after one incident, abusive patterns often persist, gradually impacting your thoughts and emotions.
Recognizing signs of emotional abuse can be challenging, but it’s essential to observe changes in both you and others.
Signs that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship
These red flags tell that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, according to Dr. Ryan.
- Starting fights for no reason
- Making confusing statements
- Sudden outbursts
- Erratic behavior
- Invading privacy
- Causing emotional distress
- Disregarding your experiences
- Shifting blame
- Excessive monitoring
- Manipulation
- Lack of affection
- Isolation
- Intimidation
- Threats
- Avoiding responsibility
- Comparisons
- Disrespecting boundaries
Criticism
Being criticized so often in an emotionally abusive relationship made it seem normal like it didn’t even hurt anymore.
But that’s not entirely good. It’s good because you stop reacting, but it’s bad because you lose the motivation to leave and improve things.
Signs of this negativity and harsh criticism include:
- Calling you names or using mean nicknames
- Attacking your character
- Yelling and shouting
- Talking down to you
- Embarrassing you in public
- Ignoring you
- Insulting how you look
- Making light of your achievements
- Putting down your hobbies
- Purposefully upsetting you
- Trying to ruin your reputation
Jealousy and control
In emotionally abusive relationships, jealousy and control are typical.
These behaviors may include constant accusations of cheating and monitoring calls and messages, dictating clothing choices, excessive calling when apart, treating you as their possession, demanding constant availability, and asking intrusive questions about your whereabouts and companions.
Manipulation and coercion
In emotionally abusive relationships, signs of manipulation and coercion include:
- Making threats
- Keeping track of where you are
- Spying on you online
- Gaslighting
- Making all the decisions
- Controlling your money
- Using emotional pressure
- Constantly lecturing you
- Giving orders
- Having frequent outbursts
These tactics aim to maintain control and can result in guilt, shame, frustration, or uncertainty about oneself or the relationship.
Additional signs may involve guilt-tripping, exaggeration of faults, denial, lack of affection, inducing guilt, and exploitation of emotions.
Not giving approval or recognition
A lack of approval or recognition is one of the signs of emotionally abusive relationships.
Partners may manipulate using affection, becoming upset if their desires aren’t met.
They might monitor your interactions and become jealous if you spend time with others, indicating a desire for control and imposition of unfair boundaries.
Dealing and recovering from an emotionally abusive relationship
First, acknowledge that you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship and realize its impact on your mental and physical health.
Then, identify the signs of abuse you’re experiencing, such as feeling controlled or having your choices disregarded.
Finally, reflect on the extent of the harm caused by the abuse, considering both physical and emotional effects.
Remember, no one deserves mistreatment, and recovery involves taking steps to heal.
Even though it might be hard to focus on yourself after such an experience, self-care is vital for healing.
What do you do if you can’t leave the relationship yet?
Dr. Ryan learned that while in the relationship, different strategies offered support, but leaving ultimately led to the most effective healing.
For those like her who choose to leave, the focus is on coping while in the relationship.
For others who can’t just leave yet here are the things that you can do:
Build good ways to cope
In an emotionally abusive relationship, it’s crucial to adopt healthy coping strategies.
This includes clear communication, setting and maintaining boundaries, self-care practices like eating well and staying active, engaging in calming activities, and boosting self-esteem.
Always prioritize your own needs and safety, remembering that it’s not your responsibility to fix the abuser.
Set aside time for yourself
Prioritize self-care, ensuring you get enough rest and eat healthily.
Remember, you’re valuable, and the abuse isn’t your fault.
Simple acts like going for a walk can be self-care.
“I made walking part of my self-care and found it helped with sleep, but getting out in nature allowed me to practice mindfulness,” said Dr. Ryan
She also suggests evaluating your relationship carefully and deciding whether to stay or leave.
Watch Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists Rachel Facio and Stacey Sherrell talk about signs if you are in an emotionally abusive relationship:
Disclaimer: This article is for informational or entertainment purposes only. This is not a diagnosis. Readers should consult professionals for personalized advice, and the author/publisher is not liable for actions taken based on the content.
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