What aging parents truly want to hear from their adult children: ‘5 phrases’

A lot has been said about caring for aging parents from the perspective of adult children. There’s advice on managing stress, helping with housing, and communicating with doctors.

But what’s important is: What do elderly parents really want to hear from their adult children?

As kids grow up, their connection with their parents changes. It becomes more of a two-way street. Now, the child can help the parent, both practically and emotionally.

For this new bond to work well, talking openly and respecting each other is vital. Some parent-adult-child relationships do great in this setup.

While some might find it tough because of old issues, unclear rules, insufficient talking, or past hurts, improving the parent-adult-child relationship takes effort from both sides.

HuffPost talked to therapists about what parents want to hear from their adult children.

Remember, you don’t have to say all these things to your parents as every relationship is unique. Just pick what feels right for you.

Here’s what they said:

• “Thank you. It mattered.”

Appreciating your parents’ efforts means a lot to them, even as time passes. It acknowledges their hard work and love in raising you well.

Saying thanks is an important way for adult children to show this recognition and gratitude for their parents’ efforts.

Lara Morales Daitter, a family therapist, suggests expressing gratitude to your parents by saying, “Thanks for the life you gave me, I accept it all, the good and the tough parts.”

This phrase reflects a profound appreciation for your parents’ role in your life. It acknowledges the unique bond between parent and child and accepts life’s challenges.

• “What would you do in my situation?”

As kids grow up, parents may find it challenging as their role changes from managing their children’s lives to simply offering advice.

Sarah Epstein, marriage and family therapist, notes that parents may have less influence on big decisions as their children’s opinions and values take precedence.

“Parents like to feel valued for the wisdom they can offer,” she said.

When adult children seek advice from their parents, it can make them feel valued and connected.

Epstein notes that parents feel appreciated for their wisdom in such situations.

For those with a strong bond, asking for their opinion gets reliable advice and shows love and appreciation towards the parent.

• “Tell me what’s new in your life.”

Initiating such a simple chat might appear trivial, yet it holds significant value for parents.

Epstein noted that parents desire to feel their adult children are genuinely interested in their well-being and current happenings.

They long to share their newfound interests and social circles with their children.

By asking about their parents’ interests, adult children acknowledge them as individuals with their own lives beyond parenthood.

This reciprocal interest mirrors the essence of a true friendship, which is essential for the bond between adult children and their parents.

• “Your guidance helped me find my way.”

Morales Daitter emphasized that parents feel deeply proud when they witness their children becoming independent and content.

Observing their children tackle life’s hurdles successfully reaffirms the significance of the lessons taught during childhood and validates the parents’ role in shaping their children’s adult lives.

• “I’m happy and content with my life today.”

Morales Daitter highlighted that every parent wishes to witness their child grow up, leave home, and find happiness.

She explained that when parents see their children content with their lives, it confirms that their efforts in raising and supporting them were worthwhile.

What do older parents want from their adult children?

In 2004, professors Mary Gallant and Glenna Spitze from the State University of New York at Albany studied older adults’ views by talking to groups of them, according to Your Key to Senior Living Options.

They found that these adults wanted independence and closeness with their grown-up kids.

They also felt torn about accepting help from them and valuing their independence but still hoping for support when needed.

Moreover, they found it irritating when their kids were overly protective, yet they appreciated the care.

They used strategies to handle these mixed feelings like playing down the help received or resisting their kids’ attempts to control.

Watch Linda Fodrini-Johnson, a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified care manager, as she gives practical advice for adult children of aging parents below: