11 toxic behaviors in a relationship that shouldn’t be tolerated, according to experts

Understanding the red flags in relationship dynamics is crucial, especially since people naturally seek love, safety, and connection.

Healthy relationships help someone feel valued and secure, but unhealthy ones slowly harm a person’s emotional and mental well-being.

When signs of trouble begin to appear, it becomes crucial to recognize them early and understand when a connection is evolving into a toxic relationship.

How red flags show up before the harm escalates

Not every relationship starts harmful. Many people gradually develop patterns that erode their well-being over time.

People usually stay for complicated reasons, especially when life feels tense or confusing.

It’s easy to excuse a partner’s actions with thoughts like “That’s just how they handle stress” or “They didn’t mean it.”

But these explanations can hide toxic behavior that becomes more damaging as time goes on.

Red flags in a relationship often appear in small, subtle ways, such as silent treatment, guilt-tripping, or comments meant to undermine confidence.

Even minor actions can alter how someone perceives themselves, making it harder to recognize danger.

Recognizing these early signs is key to protecting your emotional health and personal safety.

11 red flags in a relationship that shouldn’t be ignored

Many abusive actions are rooted in power and control. Experts warn that the following 11 behaviors are clear signs of toxic behavior and should never be ignored.

1. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is one of the most damaging forms of emotional manipulation. Marriage and family therapist Janika Veasley described it to PsychCentral as: “Gaslighting is when you cause someone to question their own sanity, experiences, and reality,”

This behavior forces someone to doubt their own mind until they depend on the abuser for “truth.”

2. Humiliation

Humiliation can come through rude jokes, harsh comments, or constant criticism. These actions erode a person’s confidence and are intended to keep them emotionally vulnerable.

3. Isolation

Isolation occurs gradually, often through excuses to skip gatherings or complaints about friends or family. As the circle gets smaller, a person loses support and becomes easier to control.

4. Stonewalling

Lena Derhally, a couples and trauma-informed psychotherapist, explains that stonewalling is when a partner shuts down conversations and refuses to engage. It is used as a silent punishment, blocking emotional connection.

5. Threats

Threats—whether spoken quietly or directly—create fear. They may target you, your loved ones, or things that matter to you. This behavior is a serious red flag and should never be tolerated.

6. Blame Shifting

Derhally says this happens “when you are upset about something and instead of taking responsibility, they turn it around on you,”

It often makes the victim feel guilty for things that are not their fault.

7. Forced Dependence

Dependence becomes harmful when it renders a person unable to leave. Not having access to money, papers, or major decisions keeps someone trapped in an abusive environment.

8. Ignoring Sexual Needs or Boundaries

Sexologist Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., told Bustle that “If your partner ignores your sexual needs or pressures you to partake in sexual activity without your willing and renewed consent, that’s not OK.”

Crossing sexual boundaries is one of the strongest signs of a toxic relationship.

9. Pressuring Sex Through Guilt

Even though marital rape is recognized by law, emotional pressure is still standard. When someone uses guilt, duty, or obligation to force intimacy, the relationship becomes unsafe and abusive.

If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) for support.

10. Hurting You and Showing No Remorse

Dr. Dori Gatter, Psy.D., LCPC, says, “The truest and biggest sign of a toxic relationship is showing no remorse for hurting your partner.” Healthy partners take responsibility and change. A lack of remorse reveals deeper emotional harm.

11. Physical Abuse

Physical violence rarely begins immediately. It often builds slowly. Yet many victims stay—not because the abuse is mild, but because leaving is extremely hard.

Why do many people stay in harmful situations

Psychologist Mert Şeker from Marriage.com, explains that women often stay in violent relationships because leaving can feel nearly impossible.

Financial dependence, isolation from friends and family, and feelings of insecurity can create a sense of being trapped.

Emotional attachment, shame, cultural expectations, and repeated cycles of abuse make leaving even harder.

On top of these challenges, trauma bonding—strong emotional ties formed during cycles of abuse and apology—can keep women connected to harmful partners, often preventing them from seeking the help they need.

Derhally notes that many abusers begin with charm, creating trust before the harmful cycle starts.

As she adds: “Once someone becomes attached and ensnared in an abusive cycle, it becomes very hard to break free,”

This highlights how emotional connection can hold someone tightly in place.

In codependent relationships, people often put their partner’s needs first, even in unhealthy ways.

Veasley explains:“When we make excuses for them, we show them their behavior is accepted, and they don’t have to be accountable.”

Recognizing red flags in relationship patterns

Understanding these behaviors empowers people to make informed choices.

Recognizing red flags in relationship patterns can help someone protect their emotional safety and move toward a healthier, safer life.

No one should feel alone, confused, or afraid in a relationship. Learning the signs is the first and most crucial step toward breaking the cycle and reclaiming peace.

Watch Dr. Janie Lacy, a Licensed Relationship Trauma Psychotherapist, explain how to spot red flags in a relationship and break the chain of unhealthy patterns.