Couples who argue may have a healthier relationship, psychologists say. But why?
Relationships are usually full of love and butterflies at the beginning. Your heart flutters for every bunch of flowers received or every touching word spoken. However, as the relationship moves past what they call the “honeymoon stage,” things easily become harder and arguments start to dive in. If this is happening in your relationship, don’t stress yourself out. This is normal and healthy, according to psychologists.
In fact, a new study shows that couples who argue a lot actually love each other more.
Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist, said, “Arguing can be a very rewarding experience between two people as they express their different points of view, their feelings, and their individualism.”
As couples spend more time together, they become more comfortable with each other that their flaws and differences naturally come out. To have healthy arguments, Dr. Saltz suggests to take note of these five things:
“Don’t say anything that you’re going to immediately regret, make sure that you stick to the topic that is being discussed, be sure that you are listening to the others’ words carefully, speak honestly once you feel anger boiling inside you, and you don’t always have to be right because it’s more than okay to admit when you are wrong.”
Instead of yelling at each other, it is best to take a break, re-assess the situation and bring your thoughts together. Hurting each other verbally can affect your relationship negatively so it is important to control your anger and talk when you’re both calm and relaxed. This way, you will be able to clear things out and see things in a less negative way.
Relationship expert Dr. Pam Spurr claimed that couples who argue have so much passion for each other.
She said, “The way in which you argue signals so much about a relationship. The wise couple acknowledges this and keeps an eye on how they treat each other over disagreements.”
Also, when you’re arguing with your partner, it shouldn’t matter who wins or loses. The most important thing is that you learn more about each other. If you have resentment towards your partner, arguing can be a way for you to express your negative feelings about him. Keeping silent will also make your resentment grow, which is not good for your relationship. Whatever your gender or age is, you should show your partner that you are both equals with different specific needs.
As long as you are communicating your problems and needs properly, your arguments are considered healthy. Arguing doesn’t always mean your relationship is suffering or you are close to breaking up. If you do it in a healthy manner, you will be able to express your thoughts and feelings and trust each other more.
According to Dr. Stephanie Sarkis, arguing is one of the seven ingredients to a happy and healthy relationship.
She explained, “I’ve never seen a healthy couple that doesn’t argue. They never fight, however – they argue. If a couple comes into my office and tells me they’ve never argued, something isn’t quite right. You can argue without fighting. Arguing is non-combative – you and your partner state your points of view without name-calling or raising your voice. Sometimes you agree to disagree – and that’s okay. Figure out what your ‘non-negotiables’ are – the things that you will not budge on. Now rethink that list. I like the saying, You can either be right, or married.”
Though having arguments show some positive things about relationships, love and respect for each other should always come first.