So you’re a single parent, and by single I mean doing it all by yourself because for whatever reason the other parent is just gone.
Hey, me too!
I want to make sure to give love to the single dads out there, give yourself a pat on the back buddies, you’re doing great! But you may not be able to relate to all the aspects I might write about. I may not be speaking directly to you because my perspective is that of a single mom, but I’d love to hear about your experiences below in the comments.
Dear single pregnant moms, I want to start with you. If you’re going to be single “momming” (yep, totally made up word) it up on purpose, then more power to you honey! I seriously applaud you for knowing up front what a lot of us won’t for some time, and that is that being a single parent kind of rules actually. To those of you that are pregnant and single because he’s gone, you’re going to be fine so long as you don’t do what I did.
What did you do, Becky?
I’m glad you asked, I made myself miserable by focusing on the hurt, the betrayal, and the fear. I was scared beyond belief, but I couldn’t see much past my depression. Please don’t do that. If he left, then believe me you’re better off. I don’t need to know the specifics of your situation to know that much. It doesn’t matter why, it just matters that he’s gone. And it hurts, god don’t I know it hurts. It hurts to the point that you’re not sure you can survive it. You will.
You will survive, and you will get past it. Not today, not tomorrow, but you will. I did, and I’m probably the most emotionally unstable person I know. Just make sure that you are looking after your health, and I mean physical and mental, and your baby’s health. If you can keep yourself busy, or distracted, then I promise you one day you will see this as a blessing.
Don’t let him ruin this for you though. Your pregnancy is such an amazing time. I hated being pregnant at the time, but looking back, I hated my situation and in turn hated the pregnancy. Looking back, I wish I would have allowed myself to enjoy being pregnant. It was pretty great actually. I didn’t know that, however, because I was too busy being miserable. Don’t do that. Because you know what? If he doesn’t come back, you probably lucked out. Being the only parent is pretty wonderful. I don’t have the stress of dealing with conflicting parenting styles.
If you’re like me, you probably worry a lot about not being enough. Most kids have at least two parents, and my kid is stuck with me, he/she is getting cheated and will therefore lead a miserable life. Not true. My daughter’s father was a terrible human, but at the time I couldn’t see that because I was in love with him. And as terrible people do, he did a terrible thing and bailed as soon as I told him I was pregnant.
I blamed myself for a long time and thought she was going to have a complex due to her absent father. Her dad, as stated earlier, was terrible and would have also been a terrible father. His presence would have caused her daddy issues, his absence will only help.
Because here’s what you don’t know yet, my beautiful pregnant single mamas, you are going to love this little person more than you can fathom right now. Unless of course you already have kids, then you already know. I thought I understood love, but I had no idea. When she was born it was like my entire world shifted to make her the center of it.
Everything that used to be important to me doesn’t matter at all anymore. I live for her smile and giggles, and my heart breaks every time she cries. She is the sun that brings light and warms my entire life. My life before her wasn’t living, but merely passing the time until she got here. She gave me life.
My dear dear pregnant single mom, stop worrying about him. He’s gone and you don’t want him back, trust me. I wish I had been able to read something like this when I was pregnant, or had someone tell me. In fact I googled endlessly trying to find anything about being pregnant and single. It took me a year and a half to figure this new mindset out.
He’s been gone almost 3 years now, and it was just last year that I finally realized how good I have it. Because you know what would have happened if he didn’t leave? He would have stayed and you would have been stuck with him. If you really think about it, that would have been worse. Now you get to do all the loving and get twice the reward. And being able to make important parenting decisions is so much easier when you’re the only parent. You get to go with your gut, and that’s liberating.
My little one is almost three, and she makes me happier than I knew possible. If he were still here I’d only be miserable. I used to stay up at night crying and praying he would come back, now I pray he never does. You already know it’s going to be hard, so I’m not here to tell you that, I’m here to tell you that it’s also going to be the most amazing thing in the world.
Do yourself a favor and smile. Lay your hands on your tummy and have a moment with your baby. Your lives together are going to be fantastic!