Are you a people pleaser? Here are 10 important things to remember if you’re one

Adrian Swancar

Hey there, fellow people pleasers, first of all, how’re you holding up? Doing good? Staying strong?

Hyperventilating a little bit because everyone is yelling and fighting about all the things all the time and there is no way to make them all happy, so you feel like your head might spontaneously combust into ten thousand different pieces?

Yeah? Okay, good good. Me too. It’s fine. Everything is fine. I’m struggling today, honestly, with the whole of it, but wanted to write out a few simple truths for us to remember before I get back on my couch, pull the covers over my head and ignore everything except a bag of Doritos and that episode of “Friends” where Ross gets a spray tan:

1. You can’t make everyone happy. You’ve gotta stop thinking you can. It’s not healthy.

2. Sometimes people are gonna twist your words because they’re listening with ears that don’t want to listen. They only want to respond, be right, and win the argument. You’re in control of what you put out there, so be responsible with that, but that’s the only piece of the puzzle you’re in charge of.

Abbie Bernet

3. Your life will improve the second you figure out it’s okay if everyone doesn’t like you. You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, everyone’s favorite song, or everyone’s Chick-fil-A sauce.

4. You aren’t wrong for refusing to bend to someone else’s version of you. You aren’t bad for not fitting in someone else’s box, and you aren’t doomed to be alone and have no friends just because one table doesn’t get you. You can make your own table. You have everything you need. Oh, look there. It’s a hammer. How convenient.

5. You are still loved, still worthy, still totally okay exactly as you are, exactly where you are, with exactly what you have. Stop trying to earn love from people when God wants to give it to you for free.

6. Even if a relationship went sideways, an argument broke out, or something you said was misconstrued, just ask yourself one question: was my heart pure? If it was, sleep well and move on. You did all you could. If it wasn’t, sleep well and apologize. Do better tomorrow.

7. You can feel things. You can have opinions. You can voice things from a view that’s different than the crowd’s.

8. Life isn’t an interview. Nobody gets to decide whether you are in, or out. Live with more freedom.

9. It’s not fake to change, to grow, or to see things from a new perspective. It’s part of being an adult.

10. You don’t have to try so hard. You don’t have to tiptoe. You don’t have to wear clothes that are uncomfortable just to please everybody else. The same grace you give to others, give some to yourself too.

Oh, you’re also allowed to say “no.” Don’t take on more than you can handle, and I know you want to be best friends with everyone, but that’s probably a little impossible too.

Be good, and be friendly. Definitely be loving and kind and generous, because the world needs more of that right now, but choose the people who are choosing you. And lastly, because I know you’re thinking it…there is nothing wrong with you.

Love,
Amy

About the Author:
Amy Weatherly  loves red lipstick, graphic tees, and Diet Dr. Pepper. On most days you can find her lounging in sweatpants, running kids from one place to the other like a crazy person. Her family is her home and her passion is helping women find courage, confidence, and the deep-rooted knowledge that their life has a deep and significant purpose. She shares her thoughts about motherhood, life and other stuff on Facebook and Instagram. Be sure to follow her!

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