10 things that changed in my life after my parents died

As we grow older, we can say that the parent-child relationship is one those relationships that we take for granted for it is a given fact that our parents will be constantly there for us. This relationship shows unconditional love that knows no boundaries.

Relationship and life coach Lisa Schmidt lost her parents and wrote a blog about the experience and how the death of her parents had an effect on her everyday life. However, aside from the grief and loss, Lisa also chronicled the positive things that happened after parents’ death.

These are Lisa’s words:

“I don’t think there is anything that can prepare you to lose a parent. It is a larger blow in adulthood I believe, because you are at the point where you are actually friends with your mother or father.

Their wisdom has finally sunk in and you know that all of the shit you rolled your eyes at as a teenager really was done out of love and probably saved your life a time or two.

I lost both of mine two years apart; my mother much unexpected and my father rather quickly after a cancer diagnosis. My mom was the one person who could see into my soul and could call me out in the most effective way.

She taught me what humanity, empathy and generosity means. My father was the sarcastic realist in the house and one of the most forgiving people I have ever met. If you wanted it straight, with zero bullshit; just go ask my dad.

Grief runs its course and it comes in stages, but I was not prepared for it to never fully go away.

1. My phone is never more than 1 foot away from me at bedtime, because the last time I did that I missed the call that my mother died.

2. The very thought of my mother’s death, at times, made me physically ill for about six months after she died. I literally vomited.

3. Their deaths have at times ripped the remainder of our family apart. I did my best to honor their wishes and sometimes that made me the bad guy. The burden of that was immense, but I understood why I was chosen. It made me stronger as a person, so for that I am grateful.

4. I’m pissed that my son didn’t get to experience them as grandparents. I watched it five times before his birth and I feel robbed. He would have adored them and they him.

5. I would not trade my time with them for anything, but sometimes I think it would have been easier had you died when I was very young. The memories would be less.

6. Don’t bitch about your parents in front of me. You will get an earful about gratitude and appreciation. As a “Dead Parents Club” member, I would take your place in a heartbeat, so shut your mouth. Get some perspective on how truly fleeting life is.

7. It’s like being a widow — a “club” you never wanted to join. Where do I return this unwanted membership, please?

8. Other club members are really the only people who can truly understand what it does to a person. They just get it. There is no other way to explain it.

9. Life does go on, but there will be times even years later, you will still break down like it happened yesterday.

10. When you see your friends or even strangers with their mom or dad, you will sometimes be jealous. Envious of the lunch date they have. Downright pissed that your mom can’t plan your baby shower. Big life events are never ever the same again.”

Lisa Schmidt is a Dating and Relationship coach in Detroit and the author of her own blog. She streams regularly on Periscope and is contributor for several online publications.

13 thoughts on “10 things that changed in my life after my parents died”

  1. I have lost my husband, father, brother and most recently my mother. My life will never be the same again. I hurt every day and the losses are so difficult. No one can ever take their place. The memories are what keep me going and my 5 granddaughters. There isn’t a day that the ones I lost are not in my thoughts. Never take for granted what can be ripped away from you in a second.

  2. Both of my parents are gone now. I miss them dearly. Dad passed in 2010 & mom a couple days before my birthday 2018. I still find myself thinking I’m gonna call mom! ❤ I still sense her presence.

  3. I lost my parents within three months of each other, and as the oldest, I always felt I had a responsibility to take care of things. When my sister was diagnosed with early onset dementia I felt it was my duty to my parents to make sure she was taken care of. They were my biggest supporters, loved me unconditionally, and loved me when I didn’t love myself. I will miss them until my last breath and miss them terribly every single day.

  4. This is an interesting perspective, but you might have more compassion for people who don’t have never had a loving relationship with their parents. #6 is not very compassionate toward others…..I came from an abusive home and yet I should have gratitude for my parents? Everyone has a story….keep that in mind when giving someone an earful.

  5. I completely agree lost both parents a sister and a brother nothing prepares you ever but life does go on and I know they are proud of me. Thank you

  6. So true. My mom and I were best friends. My dad was the strong silent man. Six months passed between their deaths. Eighteen years have passed,the hurt. Is still there. When you have children you hope that they will experience the same but when it doesn’t happen the hurt is worse.

  7. I lost my fiancee in a road accident on 19th march..Since then i am living my life like a soul without life.Nothing seems excited, life seems hopeless and burden. I am trying to accept the fact but my heart is not allowing me. Negativity has stuck in so hard..i miss him all the time..

  8. Thanks, every word is so true, it helps to know that you are not alone with such feelings, THANK YOU !!!

  9. I lost my parents 5 weeks apart just after I turned 21. 30 years of living without them and all the things that happen in life. Sadly my Husband became a member of “the club” a few years ago. Thankfully my kids did get to know his parents. Thanks for the lovely article

  10. It’s so very true. The spouses who’ve lost their partners and listen to people gripe about their husbands/wives; those who’ve lost children and listen to people talk about the neverending problems of parenthood; and those with the loss of parents and listening to those who complain about their mothers and fathers: it’s a special heartbreak.
    Thank you for touching on this very delicate subject.

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